Oftentimes the red flags are pretty clear in a relationship that’s not working—things like constantly fighting, cheating, or finding out the other person actually really likes listening to Nickleback. (You know, the obvious.) But then there are the not-so-obvious signs that it’s time to break up, the ones that indicate that your relationship is going nowhere good. These are the subtle signs that sneak up on a relationship. The ones that you might brush aside time and again because, really, are they that big of a deal? In some cases, yes, they are.
The following eight subtle signs are basically your Bat Signal, trying to tell you that you’re in a doomed relationship, and now it’s time to finally cut it loose and be free.
1. You look forward to your alone time just a little too much.
Independence is crucial to any successful relationship. Carving out some me-time whether it’s attending a favorite fitness class or having a night out with friends is not only healthy but also perfectly normal. However, when you find yourself looking forward to your alone time more than hanging out with your partner, or even scheduling more time away from them than with them, then you have a problem.
2. You aren’t as excited about sex.
Or, basically, any form of physical contact. The idea of them touching you does nothing for you. Maybe it doesn’t outright repulse you (or maybe it does) but it certainly doesn’t turn you on anymore. If that initial attraction isn’t there, and hasn’t been there for a while, it signifies pretty big trouble in so-called paradise.
3. You’re annoyed by everything they do.
Whether it’s the way they chew their food or even the way they breathe, you find that you can’t stand anything your partner does. Even their quirks, the ones you thought were cute at one time, like how they sing in the shower or hum while making dinner, make your skin crawl. If you find yourself rolling your eyes more than a few times at your partner’s behavior, that’s a sign of disrespect. And if you don’t respect or accept your partner for who they are… then why are you with them?
4. You’re happier when they’re not around.
Is your mood lighter when you’re not in the same room as your partner? Do you feel relieved when you don’t have to see them? If you’re generally happier when they’re not around, then your emotions are giving you a clear cut sign that you’re going to be much happier when you’re officially single.
5. You’ve given up on your goals.
If you’ve had a number of goals and dreams fall to the wayside since you’ve been in your relationship because it’s taken up so much of your time and energy that you are ultimately left with nothing to offer yourself, that’s a sign that you’ve been putting someone else’s needs before your own, which only fosters tons of regret and resentment. In other words, no bueno.
6. You’re constantly insecure.
You fear your partner will cheat on you, or leave you on a regular basis. Not only are those bad vibes totally bad for your health and peace of mind, they also indicate that your relationship isn’t rock solid. In fact, your fears might actually be turning into something true—that you aren’t meant for each other.
7. You’re more interested in your phone than them.
If you find yourself scrolling through your phone whenever you’re chilling with your partner on the couch rather than inquiring about their day and learning about them, then it’s official: you’ve checked out of the relationship. If you’re completely uninterested in what’s going on with your partner, whether it’s their work life or any struggles or triumphs they might be experiencing, then it’s time to do both of you a favor and cut the cord.
8. You’re lonely.
The loneliest a person can feel is when they’re with someone. It’s often a feeling of disconnection, being misunderstood, and feeling like you’re not being cared for the way we want to be that causes us to feel lonely in relationships. You might not be technically alone, but you don’t feel valued, loved, or understood as much as you should by your partner, which is worse. You might as well be officially alone, and seek the companionship you deserve from someone else.
Though all relationships will have their ups and downs, as well as their dry periods, for the most part your relationship should enrich your life, not leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled. If you find yourself thinking that this all sounds really familiar, you might want to have the talk with your partner and let it go.