In this modern age we look to celebrities for all kinds of advice—where to shop, how to diet, what to eat, and how to vote. They’re shiny and glamorous and unsurprisingly persuasive. But when it comes to love, they’re no different than we are, and their failures and successes are conveniently documented all over the internet for us to reference whenever we need to school our partners with #relationshipgoals, get some dating tips, or pine for the unattainable.
And I’ve done just that, compiling some of the best, and the very worst, relationship advice and dating tips our celebrity love gurus have offered up. Below are 15 celebrity dating tips.
1. Chris Pine: Don’t forget about chivalry.
Chris Pine, in an issue of Cosmopolitan, sung the praises of basic manners instilled in him by his mother. “I think people lose those small gestures that harken back to a different time, but are still mutually appreciated by women and men”
He’s got a point. Even if a woman prefers not to be doted upon (or just doesn’t have the patience to wait for a man to open a door for her), the thoughtfulness of small gestures like this go a long way. Whether you’ve just begun seeing someone, or you’ve been in a long-term relationship, small chivalrous gestures show your partner that their care and comfort are on your mind.
2. Taylor Swift: If it’s a game, you need to win.
Oof. It’s no secret that Taylor Swift knows how to come out on top in a relationship. But while it makes for killer album content, winning isn’t everything, especially if, you know, you want to preserve your relationship.
In an interview with Glamour Magazine, Swifty enlightens us with her use of the freeze-out method—Which is essentially, cold-shouldering a guy until he does something desperate, to establish that you’ve got the upper hand. Unless you’re trying to gather some juicy songwriting fodder, it’s probably best to ditch the games altogether and take the high road.
3. Anna Faris: It’s OK to go to bed angry.
Anna Faris, married to Chris Pratt, and one half of my number 1 #relationshipgoals duo, dispels the fallacy that you have to resolve your issues before your head hits the pillow. “I think men especially sometimes just need time… and women too.”
Taking a beat and letting anger dissipate, especially when the arguments are on the weightier side, can be really beneficial. Considering how you feel, and giving yourself a chance to think things through from your partner’s point of view makes for an easier time resolving an argument once emotions have cooled. Plus, hashing it out all night can lead to a whole new argument—about your resentment for losing sleep and running solely on caffeine for a day.
We couldn’t consult the relationship expertise of Anna Faris without also seeing what her main man has to say. Pratt’s approach to relationships is refreshingly simple: “You want to be with a girl who likes you for you. Just be yourself and forget all the stuff you read about in GQ Magazine.” (Pratt offered this advice in a GQ interview, in case you thought he couldn’t get more charming.)
It’s one thing to put your best foot forward, but inauthenticity, especially when you’re getting to know someone, will only come back to bite you, and in the mean time, it’s exhausting. Find someone who likes the weirdest parts of you, and it’ll be smooth sailing.
5. Drake: Lie about your number.
Drake’s advice for when a partner asks your magic number? Lie, or run. Literally. He was quoted in a 2010 interview, saying, “If he asks you how many people you’ve slept with, leave without a word or lie about the number.”
It’s fine not to want to broadcast how many people you’ve had sex with, but if a partner is asking about your sexual history, it could have an impact on their sexual health, and so it’s important to be honest. If you don’t want to share the hairy details, that’s fine. Politely decline to get into specifics, and let them know you’re clean, safe, and fully focused on your current relationship.
6. Kim Kardashian: Love waits when it’s right.
Kardashian cooed these words to a heartbroken fellow traveler at airport security, and there’s something to be said for trusting that true love finds a way.
For a celeb whose personal life is constantly under the microscope, this piece of advice is surprisingly optimistic. It also comes from experience. After being acquainted with Kanye West for years and staving off her interest in him in favor of friendship, the couple’s relationship has survived scrutiny, rumors, and major trauma. After two kids, their bond seems stronger than ever.
7. Gwenyth Paltrow: Use sex to avoid fighting.
In an interview with Howard Stern, Paltrow threw out the idea of using blow jobs as a solution for dealing with a man who feels emasculated by a woman’s success, and thus gets feisty.
Okay, where to begin…
- Sex shouldn’t be used for emotional manipulation. Ever.
- Men who are intimidated by a woman’s success and act out because of it shouldn’t be coddled. Ever.
- Don’t bother dating a man who is anything but proud of your success. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
8. Justin Timberlake: Challenge your partner.
Timberlake met now-wife Jessica Biel in 2007, and after a brief break up in 2011, tied the knot and gave birth to a boy, Silas in 2015.
While he’s often quoted gushing about her, Justin has also remarked that’s it’s okay to challenge your partner to be better. “Don’t be afraid to push him. Relationships are funny, you have to constantly fall in love, and challenge each other.”
9. Steve Harvey: Date shallow women.
For every Justin Timberlake, there’s a Steve Harvey who doesn’t appreciate a challenge. Men who claim a blanket repulsion by differing opinions are a MAJOR red flag—their egos can’t be easy to live with, and women who never disagree with you likely have some confidence issues.
Ladies—Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. A man doesn’t always have to agree, but he does owe it to you to respect your opinion.
Dudes—If you can’t handle a woman who speaks her mind, stop dating and get a dog.
10. Rihanna: Heartbreak is a gift.
Riri offered this advice to a heartbroken fan who reached out to her on Twitter: “Just believe that the heartbreak was a gift in itself! Cry if you have to, but it won’t be forever! You will find love again and it will be even more beautiful! In the meantime, enjoy all that YOU are!!!!”
Heartbreak totally sucks. But gleaning life lessons from it is a great way to heal. Learning about what you need, what you weren’t getting, and how you can grow and better take care of future partners is the silver lining!
11. Neil Patrick Harris: Flexibility is important.
Neil Patrick Harris and husband David Burtka have been married since 2014, and Harris seems to have great advice on making a good thing last. “You have to ebb and flow. The relationship changes; the definition of it changes. If you are too rigid about what your expectations are, and then suddenly it changes, you have more reason to want to look elsewhere for stuff.”
Life can throw all kinds of curve balls, and being responsive to the changing needs of your partner makes it easier to handle surprises in stride.
Harris also says the key is communication. Knowing where you stand and being on the same page as your partner makes flexibility all the easier.
12. Katy Perry: Don’t lose yourself in a relationship.
Knowing who you are is a part of being in a healthy relationship, and a lot of that comes with time and experience. Katy Perry offered up this advice after reflecting upon her divorce with Russell Brand, claiming, “I was on a professional high, but personally I was in a toddler state.”
A healthy relationship is about balance, and not becoming fearful to speak up, but there’s no shame in learning this the hard way. According to Perry, “Sometimes you don’t win. It’s not aces every time.”
13. Kid Kudi: Don’t try to change the person you love.
Ladies, be prepared to swoon. Scott Mescudi, aka Kid Kudi has made his thoughts known on what he feels a man should set out to change in a woman.
“The three things a guy should want to change about his girl is her last name, her address, and her viewpoint on men.”
Any man who can appreciate a woman’s struggle with the male population is in good shape dating-wise, but the bigger lesson here is accepting your partner for who they are. Focusing not on how they can improve themselves, but on how you can improve their life by being in it projects acceptance and unconditional love. And if you’re in a healthy relationship, you’ll get what you give.
14. Mariah Carey: If you did something wrong, blame it on someone else.
Mariah Carey isn’t exactly known for her martyr-like responsibility toward others, so this take on breakups isn’t exactly surprising. In context though, she was speaking about focusing on yourself post break up, and the self-indulgence that comes with that.
It seems like owning the mistakes you’ve made in the wake of a break up is the only real way to ensure you won’t make them again, but we wouldn’t fault anyone for moments of indulgence mid-wallow. Save your ex-bashing for when your elbow deep in ice cream, and after a few days of healing, spend some time in honest reflection.
To end this list, I’ve saved the best advice for last:
15. Russel Brand: We’re all just lumps of nature wandering around waiting to die.
This is may be my favorite piece of celebrity dating advice, because it (crassly, to say the least,) implores us not to take ourselves too seriously. Brand has always had a poetic way of explaining things, and he has never been shy about waxing on about the grander ideas in life. Adopting this stance on dating, confidence doesn’t feel too difficult to obtain.
It basically boils down to this—we’re all basically the same, trying to find joy in life, and struggling to get there. No matter how bad we’re feeling on any given day, everyone has been there at one point or another. And there’s a comfort in knowing we’re all in the same boat.
C’est la vie.