Hi Joan,
I’m a white woman and, although I’ve dated white men, I’m much more attracted to African American men. It’s just my preference. Whenever I start a relationship with someone outside my race, though, I feel tension from the people closest to me. Don’t want to cause drama, but I need them to deal with it. What can I do to make interracial dating easier for me?
-Biloxi, MS
This is a tricky topic. Although we live in times of tolerance and understanding, some people still aren’t fully on board with what true equality means. Instead of wasting your time and energy trying to show these people the error of their ways, channel that energy into something worthwhile—like continuing to date people who interest you.
Letting these outside pressures get in your way is pointless, and here’s why: It’s impossible to know who you’ll end up with or what that person will look like, so there’s no reason to let other people limit your options. And, secondly, you can’t pick who you love. No matter how hard you try, the heart will always have a mind of its own.
The best way to make dating outside your race easier is to learn how to tune out the noise that stems from ignorance and negativity. It’s easier said than done—especially if you’ve been able to count on loved ones for guidance and support in the past. But, when their opinions stand between you and finding happiness, it’s time to dig deep and decide what matters most in your decision making process: the acceptance of others or your own definition of what’s right.
Stay brave and keep doing what you’re doing. The people who care about you and your happiness most are more likely to come around once they see you with the right person, regardless of his or her race.
