When it comes to dating, body language plays an important role. Even if we’re not consciously aware of it, the way someone sits, stands, holds their drink, or grabs for our hand can tell us a lot about how someone’s feel and what direction a conversation is going. When you’re dating a woman—or want to be dating a specific woman—paying attention to her body language will help you learn to be attuned to how she’s reacting to you and the situation.
While it can be tough to decipher someone’s text messages, dating app responses, or even the intention behind their words in person, body language is easier to work with if you know what you’e looking for.
With women, there are a few key things to check for. Starting with facial expressions and working your way down to physical reactions—some reflexes, some intentional—paying attention to your surroundings and how her body is responding to something you do or say can give you a lot of insight.
First of all, remember to maintain eye contact when you’re speaking with a woman, especially when she’s talking. Not only is it the kind thing to do (it shows the person that you’re really listening to them) it will help you decide how investing in the date or conversation she truly is. While it’s a fine balance (you do not want to stare a woman down and make her uncomfortable) ultimately, maintaining eye contact is really vital. While you have eye contact, look for the following things.
Is she looking back at you?
While some women (and all people) can be naturally shy, especially on a date, if she’s making a conscious effort to meet your eyes and hold eye contact, that’s a great sign that she’s interested in you. If she keeps looking away, or even more telling, rolling her eyes or actively looking away from you, she may be feeling uncomfortable or bored.
Is she playing with her hair frequently?
Again, it’s up to you to decipher if this is a good thing or not. Is she twirling her hair lightly while looking you in the eye? Great, that’s a super flirtatious move. But if she’s running her fingers through her hair while looking away, or while seeming nervous, or while passively participating in the conversation, it’s not likely that she’s interested. In fact, she may be uncomfortable. Change the subject and try to make her feel at ease. If it gets to the point where you start feeling uncomfortable because she is, ask her if she’s okay or if she would like to wrap things up.
Does she look at your lips?
While it’s ill-advised to stare directly at her lips throughout the entire date, lips can tell you a lot about how someone is feeling. Is she looking at your lips a lot while you speak? Has she been casually licking her own lips while you talk? Does she keep parting her lips? Or pouting them? Parting and pouting lips is a natural reflex (and sometimes an intentional one) that can mean she’s thinking about kissing your lips. But if her lips are stiff and straight, chances are she’s not feeling it.
Does she laugh with her full body?
Giggling is cute, of course, but when she laughs at something you say, whether in jest or genuinely, pay attention to how much she’s laughing. Laughter is as easy to fake as anything else, but it’s nearly impossible to fake full body laughter. If your date or the woman you’re interested in laughs with her full body—eyes shining, lips parted broadly, shoulders shaking—chances are, she’s into you.
Is her body turned toward yours?
Position is everything. If a woman is fully disinterested in talking to you, she will not turn her body toward you. This is true on the bus or subway, in a car you’re are sharing on the way to work, or on a date. If she doesn’t like you and doesn’t want to engage with you, her body will not be near your body, or even facing in the same direction. If she’s into you, it absolutely will be.
Are her arms open?
The same is true for her arms. If she seems relaxed and comfortable, her arms will be at her side, or on the table, or brushing against yours. If she doesn’t want to be near you or doesn’t want to engage with you, she will likely have her arms folded and her shoulders tensed. Pay attention. If she’s uncomfortable, you don’t want to continue to make her so.
Is she relaxed?
Similar to men, or any gender, it’s easy to tell if someone feels at ease around another person. If the woman you have your eye on is chill and comfortable, you will be able to tell. Has she “let her hair down,” either literally or hypothetically? Are her arms relaxed, her shoulders low, her legs not two stiff logs of discomfort? Is she engaging with you? Smiling? Looking you in the eye? It’s not tough to figure out if someone is comfortable, and if she’s relaxed, chances are she’s having a nice time. If she’s having a nice time, it may be a great sign for future dates to come.
Body language is key for any situation. Whether at party, on the train, at a bar, or on a first date, you can tell a lot by reading the body language of a woman. Pay attention to the aforementioned notes and you’ll be able to decide whether or not your date is feeling it or not. Be aware of her feelings by paying attention to her body language and listening to her words. She will appreciate it, and appreciate you too.