Online dating can be daunting for anyone: You’re expected to summarize yourself in a pithy, entertaining profile and choose potential dates from similar personality slices presented to you. Even for a generation who has spent most or all of its adult life on social media, the stakes (finding love) seem even higher. And if you’re a woman over 30, you’ve got to contend with anxieties over finding someone more permanent, who matches your life goals, who is interested in you beyond any baggage you might have picked up over the years.
Dating and relationship coach Ravid Yosef—whose online course Determined to Love —shares online dating tips for women over 30 including how to keep a positive (but firm) attitude, as well as insights into creating a clickable profile and when to go from messaging to meeting in the flesh.
General Things to Keep in Mind
- Date with a purpose. This is a major consideration that separates how women in their 30s online date versus women in their 20s, Yosef says. Women looking for a specific result should ask themselves key questions: “What is their overall vision (the life they want to live)? What is their short term goal (getting married or hooking up)? How are they going to achieve this?”
- It’s a numbers game. With the ease and accessibility of online dating, the truth is that everyone is going on lots of dates. “[Women should] go on as many dates as they can,” Yosef says. “Set a goal for that. And be sure not to get frustrated by bad dates. Every date is an opportunity to learn.”
Putting Together Your Profile
- Include your must-haves. “It’s important to think about what who you are and what you want in a relationship when you write your profile,” Yosef explains. “If there are things you feel are your must-haves, put them in there (i.e., kids/family, active lifestyle, vegan, etc.). If there are hobbies you want to share with your partner, talk about them passionately in your profile. This will help to attract people with common interests, and pause those who may not be looking for someone who wants what you want.”
- Avoid aggressive wording. Yosef advises against talking about your must-haves with phrases like “I want this” or “I don’t want that.” She goes on to say, “Tell a story and talk about your passions in a positive way. That should convey your wants and needs properly.”
- You can put a positive spin on anything. “For instance,” Yosef says, “you’re not a workaholic, you’re just passionate about your work. You don’t hate the fact that you have to online date, you’re excited about the prospect of meeting new people.”
- Variety is key with photos. “You need more than selfies,” Yosef says. “Have some full-body pictures, and use unfiltered pictures as much as possible. If you have pictures doing the things you speak passionately about, that’s a bonus.”
Choosing Who to Message
- Don’t get hung up on minor things. Also, note the wording–women in their 30s can’t wait around for men to message them first. “You need to be in tune with your gut here,” Yosef says. “Take a look at their profile and see what your gut says before your mind starts saying ‘but.’ If he seems like a nice guy and you have some things in common, but he’s not as tall as you would like, message him.”
- Think about the bigger picture. “If he seems like the type of guy you want to end up with, but that’s not your usual type, for God’s sake, message him.”
Moving from Messaging to Meeting In-Person
- Yosef stresses that people should meet “as quickly as possible. The longer you wait, the more likely you are to create a false sense of connection. Studies have proven that the longer you wait, the more disappointed you are in the person because you’ve hyped them up in your head. You should graduate from message to text within 3-5 messages, and to phone or meet-up in 10.”
How to Approach Every Date
- “Have fun!” Yosef says. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Enjoy the process of not only getting to know new people, but getting to know yourself.”
