When your boyfriend starts acting a little distant and weird, it can put you in a total panic mode. What did I do wrong? Is he interested in someone else? Does he not love me anymore? Does he want to breakup?
It’s super easy to get lost in a downward spiral of What If’s, especially if you feel like things have been going pretty well so far. Maybe what you think is happening, really is happening. Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s just a simple case of him needing his space.
Everyone’s situation is different. So here are some things that can explain why your boyfriend is acting distant and weird, according to experts.
He cheated or is considering it.
Let’s start with the worst case scenario. According to love coach Michelle Baxo, sometimes guys get distant and weird because they’ve cheated or are considering it.
“If you suspect this, it’s best to just ask him directly in a mature, confident and calm manner, so he feels safe to tell the truth,” she says. “Don’t assume he’s lying if he denies it. Just find out what is bothering him (e.g. he feel pressures to commit, etc).”
He senses your expectations.
If you’ve dropped more than enough hints about taking your relationship to the next level but he’s just not there yet, he may start to pull back.
“If a long-term commitment doesn’t feel like it was his idea, but something that was forced on him, then he may begin to retreat,” Baxo says. “Also, men resist commitment when they’re not in the position to be a good provider just yet (e.g. unemployed or dissatisfied with his lack of accomplishments).”
It’s important to have an open discussion about where your relationship is headed. If he doesn’t have the same commitment goals that you have, you may need to reconsider whether this really is the right relationship for you. But if you both ultimately want the same things and he’s just feeling a bit rushed, letting him know that you’re happy with how things are for now can go a long way towards helping him feel like he doesn’t have to change in order to be a good boyfriend to you.
He’s stressed and doesn’t want to burden you with his problems.
“When a guy suddenly becomes distant for no apparent reason, it is so easy to get paranoid and jump to the conclusion that he might not be into you anymore,” Celia Schweyer, dating expert at DatingScout.com, tells The Date Mix. “The thing is, he most likely has a problem outside the relationship and he doesn’t want to talk about it yet.”
If this is the case, let him know you’re always there if he needs you and just give him space. When he’s ready, he’ll open up.
He just needs some alone time.
“This shouldn’t be a reflection of your relationship,” Schweyer says. “We all crave alone time every now and then.”
If your boyfriend says he needs some time alone, believe him. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t like spending time with you. Some people, especially introverts, need some time to recharge a bit.
He’s on cruise control.
If things are going great and you reach the one-year mark, he may start to get distant because he’s more secure and comfortable in the relationship.
“He’s kind of on cruise control,” Lisa Concepcion, founder of LoveQuest Coaching, tells The Date Mix. “He’s reached a nice, easy, chill place in the relationship and with himself.”
Feeling secure is obviously a good thing, but there is a danger to it as well. According to Concepcion, the work doesn’t stop once you’ve hit a comfortable place in the relationship.
“You want to make sure that you’re both still moving towards something as a couple,” she says. “Having common goals bonds couples.”
These goals can be anything from following through on weekly date nights out to saving up for a house.
He really likes you and is starting to overthink.
“Women aren’t the only ones who overthink things,” Concepcion says. “Men, especially ones who have direction, goals, and the desire to be fathers someday, are often in their heads assessing if their current partner could really be the one.”
If your partner reaches the conclusion that you are definitely it, he may start freaking out. The last thing he wants to do is ruin anything.
When you know for sure that the relationship is solid, just talk to him about his distant behavior. Tell him that you’ve noticed he’s been a little to himself lately and just remind him that he can always come to you if he needs to.
“This tells him that you’re not oblivious to his actions, that you adore him, are there for him, and respect his space enough to leave it to him,” Concepcion says. “Carry on with confidence.”
He’s about to surprise you with something big.
If you’ve been together for a long time and you’re on the same page about where things are headed, he may be acting distant because he’s ready to take things to the next level.
“Tell him you notice he’s a bit disconnected and want to check in,” Concepcion says. “If he’s just rattling off some excuses, just listen to him and pay attention to patterns. He could be planning a surprise. Guys will often act as if they’re hiding something or weird weeks before they propose.”
As you can see, there are so many different reasons as to why your boyfriend acts weird and distant. Some good, some not. Regardless, the key here is to communicate. You’ll never know what’s really going on unless you ask.