Dating has changed a lot in the last few years. Now, instead of meeting people through friends or setups, millions of people have turned to online dating. As dating changes, the rules for dating change with it. There used to be an unofficial dating code that people felt pressured to follow. But after time, some of those “rules” fall out of practice and no longer apply. Here are the 13 most outdated dating tips for women that are quickly becoming obsolete. Follow them at your own risk!
1. Opposites attract.
Sometimes opposites attract. But sometimes, opposites butt heads. The concept of opposites attract is nearly impossible to pin down—does it apply to looks Personality? Nobody is truly opposite from another person in every way; trying to find your opposite is a nearly impossible task. Your best relationships will be those who are similar in some ways, but challenge you in others.
2. Don’t make the first move.
If you want to ask somebody out, we say go for it. The old adage “make him come to you” is no longer relevant, and hasn’t been for quite some time. Making the first move is a sign of confidence, which is sexy at every age. If somebody is turned off because you didn’t wait for them to come to you, it’s their loss, not yours.
3. Be magnetic.
It’s impossible—not to mention exhausting—to be everything to everyone. Instead of trying to make yourself irresistible to every single person in the room (or on the app), focus on what makes you, you. You’ll be much more likely to attract quality people who are suited to your unique personality and tastes. Quality over quantity!
4. Make a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a partner, then stick to that.
Don’t get us wrong; it’s definitely important to have an idea of what you’re looking for in a partner. But with online dating, daters are exposed to many more (and different types of) people than ever before. You can have a list, but try to be flexible with it. You never know who you’re going to click with.
5. Don’t talk about yourself too much.
Women were once taught to flatter their dates and stroke their ego at every turn. But you’re just as interesting, if not more interesting, than your date. So don’t be shy about bringing up your career, family, or kids. How else will they get to know you?
6. Keep them guessing.
Playing hard to get might sound like solid advice at first—who doesn’t enjoy being the alluring mysterious one? But it can quickly go from intriguing to irritating, and might even make you seem pretentious. Think about it this way: How do you feel when somebody plays hard to get with you? Probably frustrated. You can still show that you’re interested in somebody without revealing too much about yourself.
7. Hold back your full personality at first.
We get it: People hold back when they first meet someone. It’s normal not to reveal your quirky tendencies on the first date. But when it borders on holding back parts of your personality because you’re worried they won’t like you, it’s time to reconsider. Always be yourself!
8. Don’t swear.
Some people advise that swearing is un-ladylike, and that you should go out of your way to make sure you don’t do it in front of your date. Sure, you don’t want every other word that comes out of your mouth to be a curse word; that’s a general rule for life. But if you’re a swearer, don’t try to hide it.
9. There has to be a spark.
Sometimes, you have an instant connection with somebody and feel the chemistry from the start. But sometimes, relationships grow slowly over time. Life isn’t a romantic comedy, so don’t close yourself off to a potentially great opportunity just because you didn’t see fireworks on a first date.
10. Let them pay.
This concept is getting more and more outdated, regardless of gender. If your date insists on paying, it’s a nice gesture. But splitting the bill is becoming commonplace.
11. If your date isn’t on a Saturday night, they’re not interested.
Date night doesn’t have to fall on the weekend. If someone asks you out for a weeknight, don’t automatically assume it’s because they’re saving Saturday night for somebody else. In fact, it might mean that they don’t want to wait until the weekend to see you again.
12. Wait three days to call or text back.
Dating often feels like a game. But if you treat it as such, nobody will win. If you have great chemistry with somebody new and you want to call or text the next day, there’s no reason you should hold back. Keep that momentum going! Plus, three days in the modern dating world is the equivalent of two weeks in the pre-online dating days. If you wait too long, they might assume you’re not interested and move on.
13. Don’t have sex until the fifth date.
Or until the tenth date. Or until you’ve known the person for six weeks. Everyone’s heard variations on when the “right” time to have sex is. But truthfully, there’s no hard and fast rule, because every relationship and situation is different. As long as you’re being safe, you can have sex whenever you’re ready.
Times have changed, and dating has changed along with it. The next time you meet somebody new, don’t feel pressured to follow any of these dating rules. It’s a whole new world out there, and you’re free to make your own!