For a woman, it can be empowering to ask a guy out. Most of us have been taught that men are supposed to be the ones who ask us out, so we become trained to think this way and forget that many men have insecurities and feelings of shyness when it comes to dating. Making the first move shows that you’re not afraid to go after what you want and that you approach relationships and courtship expecting to put just as much work into as a man does.
“Does he have a girlfriend?” “Will he think I’m weird?” “When will the time be right?” “How can I make this sound less awkward?” You may think that you’re the only one to question yourself this way, but almost everyone (men and woman) feels some nervousness and anxiety before asking someone out.
Here are some simple dating tips to consider when asking a man out:
1. Start with small, but meaningful, talk.
It would be hard to make the jump from, “How’s the weather?” straight to asking him out on a date, so remember to ease into it a bit. Some of the ways you can get your small talk heading in the right direction is by giving him a compliment, such as, “I thought I’d come over and let you know you have a nice smile.” Once you get past the ice-breaker, then you can advance to introducing yourself. If he’s already a guy friend or acquaintance who’s already caught your eye, then initiate ways to hang out outside of your normal routine or one-on-one just the two of you.
Once you get past the small talk, be direct. Sending a clear message that you’re interested in him and that you want to spend time with him will make him be clear with you too.
2. Don’t ask your friend to ask him out for you.
Oh, how I would LOVE to get my girls to do all the hard work for me! But it’s really just a cop-out. And later he’ll just ask you, “Hey, how come you didn’t ask me yourself?” If you’re interested in someone, at some point you need to work up the courage to tell them… yourself. Asking a friend to do it for you, will be un-empowering rather than empowering. Trust me, your future self will be so appreciative that you took the risk and went for it.
3. Have some places in mind when approaching him.
Chances are, he’s not going to have any idea what to do on a date with you in mind when you initiate the conversation. Remember, you’re asking him. One of the ways you can weave in a potential place is finding something you have in common. It can be something as simple as going to a local restaurant nearby or seeing a movie that you both were looking forward to. If he mentions anything about food, events, music, or entertainment, you can mention something you’ve been meaning to try out (such as a new restaurant, a movie, comedy show, or a baseball game).
4. Set low expectations.
When it comes to asking a man out, communication is key. Taking that first leap shows that you know how to handle conversations and situations that are hard for some people. But remember, it can still be hard and you may still face rejection. If the conversation doesn’t go the way you thought it would in your head, it’s OK to move on and keep the situation positive. Conversely, if the conversation goes much better than you thought, remain hopeful but not overly excited. You’re putting yourself and your feelings out there but, ultimately, it’s still up to him if he’d like to take you up on your offer. You should respect and be ok with his answer, no matter what it is.
5. Pace yourself.
This tip is for after you two switch numbers and plan your first outing. You’ve asked him out and suggested the place, now he needs to meet you half-way. (Just like you would if the tables were turned and he asked you out.) Seeing how well he communicates with you leading up to the date will show you how interested he is in getting to know you. If he texts you before the date or asks you how your day went, take that as a great sign.
Asking a man out is an experience. Instead of waiting around for the future to happen to you, you’re taking initiative. The worst that can happen is that he says no, and then you learn from it and get better the next time around.