They say the definition of crazy is doing something over and over again and expecting different results. So if you’re in your 40s and frustrated with the dating scene, it’s time to change things up. Try a new location, pick up a new hobby, or take a fresh perspective. If you change your patterns, at the very least you’ll learn something new. But, you could also meet the love of your life!
Who Before Where
There’s plenty of advice out there telling people where to find single men: at the bar, the market, online, church, the gym, you name it. The fact of the matter is, there are eligible men all around you. Think about the type of man you are looking for. Is he a sports guy? Then head to a few games or a sports bar and strike up a conversation. Perhaps you can ask a group of men to explain a particular rule, or you can commiserate over a bad call. If you love an artsy guy, go to gallery openings. If you’re into musicians, go see local bands perform or head to a jazz club.
If you choose activities that target common interests, you can ensure that, at the very least, you’ll have a good time with the next guy you date. Sure, you can pick up men at the market or the bar, but you never know what you’re going to get. “Bars can be very frustrating and distracting when you are hoping to find a connection,” says dating coach Gary Wilson, who is also the Editor-in-Chief of Eligible Magazine. “Further, it can be a real mixed bag of men so I recommend…first consider[ing] the type of man you have been attracted to in the past and then determin[ing] where he is most likely to be.”
Location, Location, Location
The town or city in which you live can have a huge impact on your dating life. Are you in a big city with a large (but seemingly unavailable) dating pool? Are you in a small town where you swear you’ve already met every single guy (good and bad)? Perhaps it’s time to expand the circumference of your dating circle. City gals, try a few outings in the suburbs. Gather with your married friends and see if they might set you up with any of their other single friends. And small-town ladies, maybe a trip to the nearest metropolis is in order. Grab a group of friends and head out on the town (city).
If you’re thinking about a total relocation, keep in mind these statistics: According to Today, the best cities to meet eligible men in their 40s are Seattle, Washington, San Francisco, California, Atlanta, Georgia, Miami, Florida, and Tampa, Florida.
This is perhaps stating the obvious, but one of the best ways to meet new people is to, well, do new things. Of course, if your goal is to meet single men, you’ll want to skew toward hobbies that have a better chance of male participation. So perhaps you forego your once weekly knitting club gathering for training for a marathon. Or, maybe you take up partnered dance classes instead of zumba.
You shouldn’t sacrifice doing something you love just for the sake of meeting men. But if you can add something to your plate (that you also really enjoy) that has a better shot of involving single men, you can up your odds of turning a shared passion for cycling into a shared passion for each other!
Change Your Attitude
You can frequent sports bars, move to a city full of available 40-something men, or take cooking classes all you want. But if you don’t maintain a positive attitude while you are “on the prowl”, you won’t have much success attracting single guys. Wilson says that the most important thing that he tells clients who want to get back into the dating scene is to be open. He gives his clients exercises to “flex their ‘open muscles,” including saying hello in an elevator, walking down the street, or standing in line at a coffee shop.
Wilson also recommends that his clients take a minute to pause and evaluate the men around them in any environment or event. “That’s where openness starts,” he says, “by knowing where the possible opportunities are in your vicinity, then acting approachable.” Dating coach Evan Marc Katz echoes this advice by saying that the key to meeting single men in your 40s is not so much about WHERE. “It’s about attracting men, understanding men, and making them want to stick around forever and ever.”