If you’re one of the lucky ones, you’ll meet a lot of great men while dating in your 40s. But meeting the right man takes work, effort, and more than a little luck. Chances are that eventually, you’ll meet the man who wants to get married and have a long and lasting life with you. However, when you’re dating in your 40s, you’ll come across a number of men who just don’t meet your expectations on your way to finding the right one.
To help you navigate the dating scene while you search for Mr. Right, here are a few of the men you’ll meet while dating in your 40s:
The Divorced Man with Kids
This man has already been through it all but is still looking to get married quickly so he’ll have a mother figure, nannie, or housekeeper to help him with his kids. If he’s an awesome dad and you get along great with his children, it’s very easy to fall for the whole package too soon. This makes it difficult to focus on knowing whether your relationship with him has the right foundation for a healthy and loving future together. It’s easy to fall in love with the idea of an instant family and kids, but remember that you’re not just taking on one person; you’re taking on the whole crew. And sometimes that crew involves ex-wives, ex in-laws, and a whole host of shared friends and family members who will become part of your life too. This can be a wonderful thing, but it’s a serious commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Be sure you’re both marrying each other for the right reasons.
The Much Older Man
If you’re in your 40s, you may be tired of dating guys your own age and looking for a more mature man—a man who may be ten or more years older than you. This kind of older man, with a father-figure persona, will most likely treat you like a queen. Chivalry isn’t dead with this kind of man and he’ll tell you everything you want to hear. Many people who have married older men are extremely content in this type of relationship. Some may think he’s the best thing since sliced bread, but others may quickly realize that they’ll soon be his nurse taking care of him in his declining years. Before you jump to this decision, remember that the age gap becomes more of an issue the older you get and be sure that he’s what you really want.
The Guy Who Just Wants To Have Fun
At this point in your life, if you come across men who have never married or are divorced and want to stay that way, chances are that they’re “confirmed bachelors” who are just looking to have some fun. If that’s your goal too, then this type of guy is your perfect match. However, if you’re looking for something with a future, you need to put your cards on the table early and gauge his reaction. If you think you can get him to fall in love with you and that he will change his mind, you may be sadly disappointed and will have wasted precious time. Or, you could be the woman who brings about his 360. Either way, it’s like playing a table in Vegas— May the odds be ever in your favor!
The Guy Who’s Still Single at 40
If you are a woman in your 40s dating a man in his 40s who has never been married, you may be in luck or you may be up the creek without a paddle. This guy may still be searching for the right one, just as you are. He may fit your criteria and now you’ve finally hit the motherlode. Or, he may simply be a leech who’s desperate to bring someone home to his mother. This second type of man may be eager to please you, which is a refreshing change, but it’s often too much too soon. After two dates, he’ll start talking about marriage and the names of your future kids. The trick is to figure out if he’s your perfect match or just desperate.
The older we get and remain in the dating game, the more complex the characters become. All their past lives and baggage are dragged with them into the present, as is yours. Meeting all these different types and learning from the experience will make you an expert in determining which type of man to embrace and which type to run from. In the meantime, remain optimistic, have fun, and realize there’s no more “norm” when it comes to dating. Learn the characters and learn to laugh it off. No matter what happens, at least you’ll have good stories to tell.
To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her upcoming memoir, visit toniadecosimo.com or follow her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.