Dating After 40: The Best Ways to Meet New People

A couple dating after 40.

Many singles I know over the age of 40 ask me what the best ways to meet someone are. Well, my mother, who met my father when he came over to help her with her beach umbrella, always used to tell me to do everything you can, “because you never know where you’ll meet your special someone.” I agree with her. My best advice for dating after 40 is to try meeting people every way possible.

Those of us born in the 50’s and 60’s are in a transitional period. We grew up thinking that we would meet our soul mate through the traditional ways of dating—introductions, church or temple, movies, and even on beautiful summer days at the beach with family and friends. As a result, we look at the way we eventually meet “the one” as a mystery until it happens. We never know how, where, or when we’re going to meet the one for us.

1. The Easy Way—Go Online
This is especially true for online dating, which has been a huge business for decades, and is even more popular now. These days, time to date is limited for so many people, so they turn to online dating. How simple is that? You can go home after a long day of work, pour a glass of wine, pull up a chair in front of your favorite device, and search from the comfort of your home instead of having to get dressed and go out. I get it. A close friend of mine met her husband on an online dating site when she was 41, so you should never rule out anything, no matter how old you are.

 2. Dine Out
Besides the easy way, I suggest frequenting upscale steak houses. Most men love a good steak and can often be found hanging at the bar with a friend or two enjoying a nice juicy Porterhouse or rib-eye. Ladies, why not slip in for a drink next to the guys and ask if their meat was cooked at the right temperature. They may think you’re a waitress but who cares, the conversation will have started. I met my ex-fiancé that way. Ok, so he’s my ex, but you never know what will happen from starting up a conversation at a restaurant or bar.

3. Go Out on Off-Nights
Most people tend to go out on the most popular nights for singles, such as Thursday and Friday nights. They figure that everyone will be out then. And they’re right, but it also means that there’s much more competition. Instead, mix it up by going out on a Tuesday or Wednesday night. I personally feel the off-nights are best. I’m not saying don’t go out for a nice Friday happy hour. (After all, that is the time when everyone is happy, but you may have a better chance of meeting someone and making a connection that leads to a real date on a night when there’s less competition.)

4. Get Outside and Be Active
During the summer, popular activities have become kayaking and paddle-boarding. Find a beach, lake, or park nearby that offers these and get yourself a play-date for the day.

Golf is another good way to meet someone if you’re dating after 40. The average age of a golfer is 54, so if you’re in your mid-forties and fifties it’s perfect for you. Take some golf lessons, hang out after hitting a few balls, and have a drink at the clubhouse or bar area.

During the winter, as long as you’re in good-shape, snow skiing (downhill skiing or cross-country) is a popular activity for all ages. You can get your exercise in and have a wonderful time while keeping a lookout for a good-looking guy at the lodge having a beer after a few runs. And men, you will always see a pretty girl in her bunny suit scoping out the place for a nice guy to talk to.

Yoga is another way to meet singles in their 40s. More and more men are taking yoga. It’s great for your mind and health, so take a few yoga classes and you’ll meet individuals concerned about the way they look and act, which is a definite plus.

5. Use a Furry Friend
A lot of singles, especially single women, have dogs. There is nothing quite like a cute puppy, and you’re sure to get someone to stop and sigh dreamily at a sweet furry face. Before you get a dog, however, make certain you’re prepared to devote the time, money, and energy necessary. Many people also volunteer at animal shelters. If you’re an animal lover, this is another way to indulge in puppy love by doing a good deed and possibly meeting the right person for you.

6. Use a Married Friend
While going out, there’s a tendency to hang out with those in a similar romantic situation as you, but I say you should change it up a bit. Going out with your other single friends means going out with those looking for the same thing as you. Once in a while, go out with couples. Believe me, if you tell your married friend you think someone is hot, your married friend is more likely to  approach that person on your behalf and introduce you—whereas your single friends might decide to grab the person you have your eye on for themselves.

 

I know as we get older, it seems we lose hope and faith. Well, we just can’t. You should never give up on finding love. Try every way possible, but don’t become obsessed with meeting someone. Don’t force it. Instead, get used to putting yourself out there—go online, go out on a Monday, hang out with your married friends, or try a new sport. Eventually, it will happen and in the meantime you’ll be having fun.

To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her upcoming memoir, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.

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