Dating in your 40s typically means we’ve been around the block a couple times. We know what we want, and there’s no time to lose. Chances are you have a bit of baggage, and your dates do, too. But it also means you know yourself better than you did in your youth.

Dating in Our 20s
In our 20s, both men and women are focused on their careers. Just out of college, we’re stretching our wings, and dating isn’t the biggest priority.  We’re often looking for people to socialize with who are similar in age. If romance sparks, it’s incidental. Often, women in their 20s have younger and older men pursuing them, so they generally mature romantically quicker.

Dating in Our 30s
By the time we reach our 30s, men and women usually have financial independence from their parents and are settled in a career. This is the new age when people start to think about finding a life partner. In their mid to late 30s, women begin to feel the ticking of their biological clocks. Finding Mr. Right comes with a greater sense of urgency. By this age, men have usually matured and have gotten to know themselves and their romantic desires. While their goals may be different with respect to dating, there is an equal playing field to find romance.   

Dating in Your 40s and Beyond
For men and women who haven’t found love and marriage by 40, they’ll start to feel pressure and probably a little anxiety about their love lives. In their 40s, men will often pursue younger women to make themselves feel younger and more confident. Control shifts to men who have a larger dating pool to choose from. Women in their 40s can really start to feel the pressure to get married and insecurities may develop when faced with young women as their competition. Many people you’ll date at this age are divorced or widowed. This is a time to get back out there to find a second chance at love. Both genders will pursue partners younger and older than themselves with no pressure to settle down. The playing field is once again equal.

We all have our views and opinions as we age.  Nothing is set in stone as to who has the upper hand in the dating game. We all create our own power by getting out there, pursuing what we want and not giving up on finding love.

Tonia DeCosimo

Author on Dating and Relationships

Tonia, a successful entrepreneur, received her B.S. degree in Elementary Education and English from Manhattan College. Her career path, however, took her into the fields of marketing, publishing, and sales consulting in which she has worked successfully for the past 25 years. During that time, she has built and managed several companies including her own.

When she’s not busy building her career or dishing out dating advice, Tonia is the proud step-mom of two teenagers, resides on Long Island with her husband.

To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.