Navigating the world of dating can be hard, and sometimes even harder to find your way in the gay dating world. The dating game and its rules have changed a lot in the past 20 years, and it can be challenging to keep up. Here’s our best gay dating advice and expert tips to make the dating world a little bit easier to navigate.
Practical Gay Dating Advice For Dating Today
Dating apps can help or hurt but are pretty necessary today
Nearly 60 percent of gay couples meet on dating apps. That’s 20 percent higher than heterosexual couples. There’s an added challenge for gay people meeting people in real life, as you can’t just know if someone is also gay without asking or flirting and waiting to see if you’re going to be rejected. Dating apps make it quite a bit easier to find dates because you know from the outset that you’re looking for the same thing.
Pick the right app, not just the most popular one
A lot of dating apps have been adding ways for people of the same sex to date. Tinder, OkCupid, Bumble, and many more all let you search for guys or girls regardless of if you are a guy or a girl. That being said, that doesn’t mean that you’re all looking for the same thing.
A very common thing on Tinder, for instance, is that a couple will list themselves as a girl to help them find someone for a threesome. But that’s not going to help you find a match. Look for apps that are designed with your needs first and foremost in mind. And your only option is not Grindr. There are other apps for other desires, like Chappy which bills itself as having the goal of helping gay men find each other for long term relationships.
Fearing rejection is normal, but move past it
Whether you’re using dating apps or not, rejection is a normal thing that is going to happen. Someone may reject you because they aren’t into your gender or they might reject you because they’re not into you. And either way is okay. You need to keep moving, even when that hurts. You will find someone who is into you as a man or woman or otherwise and who is just into you for you!
Don’t get hung up on stereotypes
There’s a number of stereotypes in the gay community for both men and women. Is she butch or femme? Is he a bear or a twink? But these kinds of descriptors can really end up hurting your ability to find someone who is a good match for you. You end up questioning a lot about yourself and about who you’re into.
Do you only date femmes? Do you have to only date femmes? You don’t have to date anyone according to any stereotype. Date who you’re interested in and go into a date with an open mind. Maybe you think that, as someone who looks “butch,” a “femme” isn’t going to be into you and that thought right there is going to hurt your chances of making a good connection. Be open to meeting the right person, irrespective of the label!
You don’t have to change yourself
There are other stereotypes in the gay communities that can be hurting your dating ability. These other stereotypes typically come from outside communities and can sometimes force their way into the gay community, lead you to internalize them. For example, it’s the idea that gay men are flamboyant or gay women are tough or that gay men love pretty things and gay women hate them.
These are all ridiculous stereotypes as each person is a person with their own personality and interests, regardless of their sexuality. And we handle these stereotypes in different ways. We will often actively go against a stereotype we know is about us. But you should embrace every aspect of yourself, whether you’re afraid you’re stereotyping yourself or not. Just enjoy what you enjoy and be who you are. Don’t try to hide any part of who you are from your date.
Don’t compare yourself
This advice is especially pertinent to gay men as gay men are often reflected in media as being this incredibly fit man with eight pack abs and a smile that literally glows. But the truth is that very few men, gay or otherwise, actually, look that way. And that’s good because not every guy wants that anyhow. Maybe you carry a little more weight than you want or your beard isn’t ever as perfectly coiffed as Jon Hamm’s. Those things that you nitpick about, someone else is going to see and love you for.
The dating pool when you’re gay can have rough waters and it can be a little shallow. But you have to swim around to find your right match. You can’t stay still and refuse to dive in, even if it’s scary to go all the way in. Your right match will come along if you dive deep enough! Remember to listen to your own heart, the best gay dating advice is to follow your instinct in how to do it best for you, because at the end of the day, you’re the expert on your own love life.