Now you might be wondering, how to have phone sex without it getting awkward? How do you move from saying sexy things over text to saying sexy things aloud? How do you turn a solo activity into one that involves another person? And what happens when you do?
Before you get too in your head, know that phone sex can seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. And, if all goes well, you might even have a great time trying it.
Covering the Basics: How to Have Phone Sex
Here are some ways to prepare yourself and your partner for a phone sex session, and methods for leading into it in a way that’s comfortable for both of you.
Dress the part
Before we get started, think about your setting. Dressing up for your phone sex session can help you get in the mood. Even though your partner can’t see you, it helps you get in the mood for the sexy talk ahead.
Take the time to put on something that puts you in the mindset for what’s to come. This can mean slipping into your most sultry pair of underwear or even getting extra comfortable in sweats. It’s up to you and what makes things feel right in your mind.
Get in the mindset
The key to having good phone sex is an open mind grounded in fantasy. You can talk about things you’ve been dreaming about, because hey, you’re just talking, right?
Staying relaxed is also important. It’s normal to be nervous about trying anything new. Remember the person on the other end of the line wants to hear what you have to say.
Gauge your partner’s interest
Sending nudes, sexting, and flirting over text are all good ways to gauge your partner’s interest in having phone sex and prepping you both for what’s ahead. These things act kind of like foreplay, in that you’re not going from zero to 100; after setting the stage with a sexy text or photo, you can ask them if they’d be interested in having phone sex.
Call your partner
Or you could start by calling them and take things from there. You can steer the conversation toward phone sex by first asking about their surroundings (“Where are you right now?”). That way, you can also confirm that it’s a good time for them to talk.
Then you can adjust the conversation by asking questions about how they look and feel (“What are you wearing?”, “Are you in bed right now?”, “I wish I was there with you” etc). So much of how to have phone sex is describing things, so starting out simply is a good way to begin.
How to Have Phone Sex: What to Say?
First and foremost, know that you don’t have to adopt some kind of alternate sex personality to have phone sex. You can – phone sex is a good way to play with sex, shame, and kink in a way that is very safe and fun – but there’s no pressure to change the usual sexual dynamic you have with your partner.
For instance, if you tend to be more submissive, you can ask them to give you instructions; vice versa if you’re usually dominant. If you have a more romantic rapport, you don’t need to start talking dirty if you’re not into it. Like any other skill, dirty talk can be learned, practiced, and perfected. We’ve rounded up some great tips to help.
Describe what’s happening
Describing what you want is the key when it comes to how to have phone sex. Talk about what you’re wearing, what you look like, what you smell like, and exactly how you’re touching yourself. Be detailed about it and really get into the moment. Once you’ve begun, there’s no need to be shy. Be as vocal as you want to be. No one can see or hear you other than your partner. This is all about the two of you.
Dip into your ‘fantasy bank’
Speaking of what-ifs, phone sex is also a wonderful time to break out the fantasy bank. You can describe stuff that turns you on but that maybe you wouldn’t want to do in real life. Some ideas: sex in public like in a park or a library. Or sex in a car, an airplane, or a fancy-restaurant bathroom. In addition to settings, you can describe sexual scenarios, like role-play, group sex, or BDSM.
Give instructions
Or ask your partner to tell you what to do. Dictating how, where, and when they can touch themselves is a way to make things interactive for both of you. It also just helps with the flow of the conversation and introduces a dominant/submissive dynamic that can be fun for both of you.
What if this still sounds complicated?
Some people will find themselves unable to participate in dirty talk or phone sex, period, and that’s okay. But, if you’re really into figuring out how to have phone sex, there are easier ways to get into it that don’t involve waxing poetic about your genitals.
Just ask them to listen
Maybe you’re not ready to talk just yet but still want to try phone sex. If you’re really into trying this with your partner, ask if they would like to listen to you masturbate. This is a great way to introduce your partner to the sensuality phone sex can bring to a relationship, without the pressure of performance on their end.
Defer to your partner completely
Hand things over to them. Ask them what they want to do! Sometimes all it takes is a little push in the right direction to get your creativity flowing.
What if I’m Not Feeling It?
The end goal of phone sex is getting off (for everyone involved), but it’s also important to know your own boundaries and feeling comfortable stating them with your partner. For instance, if you’re describing fantasies, you should be clear to your partner that they’re for phone sex only, if that’s the case.
What if, all of a sudden, your partner starts saying things that make you uncomfortable or calling you names you don’t like? If you still want to move forward, be clear about it without shutting things down. It’s okay to call for a ‘detour’ to change the direction without stopping in your tracks.
Agree that either one of you can say, ‘Not working, let’s detour’, or choose your way to say this kindly to each other. In this, both parties recognize that turn-offs aren’t necessarily personality defects, but rather personal preferences.
And if you feel like things are going too far or your partner won’t stop doing something you’ve asked them not to, you can always hang up. Like any kind of intimacy, you should make sure that phone sex is consensual and you feel safe and trust your partner.
Other Things to Think About
Your voice
You’re not giving a work presentation or trying to deliver information, so there’s really no need to speak loudly or quickly. If it feels natural to you, drop the level of your voice and speak more slowly. The sound of breathing, not necessarily heavy, but noticeable, can be very erotic and make it clear to your partner that you’re turned on.
Your language
Calling your bits and pieces by their scientific name is all well and good, but let’s get real – it isn’t very sexy. There’s nothing wrong with dirty talk, it’s a huge part of how to have phone sex successfully.
Laughing
Don’t be afraid to laugh! Sex can be awkward, especially on the phone. Being silly with one another is a sure sign of a good relationship, so let it flow. You can always bring it back around to the naughty bits once you’ve let out the guffaws.
Final Thoughts…
The bottom line of any good phone sex session is an open mind and going in without expectations. You may have the hottest, sexiest experience ever! Or you and your partner may end up in tears of laughter. Either way, you’ve communicated and tried something new together and figured out if it’s a situation you want to try again or pass on.
