If your sex partner wants you to seduce them between the ears, but you don’t know what to say, chances are you’re not inept. You probably just haven’t learned the basics.
Like any other skill, dirty talk can be learned, practiced, and perfected. Well, maybe not perfected, but if you follow these tips you can definitely get good enough to please all but the pickiest of partners.
Get comfortable saying dick and pussy. (Or not!)
To succeed at turning on your partner with x-rated filth, you need to let go of any feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment over saying words like “dick” and “pussy.” That doesn’t mean you have to say those exact words—that’s up to you and your partner—but no matter what you say it will most likely be something that’ll take some getting used to.
If you feel silly saying “cock” or “slut” or whatever word your partner wants you to say, just remember that you’re speaking to an audience of one and your partner’s reaction is the only reaction that matters. As soon as you hear their first “oh, yes!” in response to that silly-sounding word, any discomfort you felt will melt away leaving only joy and pleasure behind.
Describe what’s happening.
Being descriptive is Naughty Talk 101 and it’s a great way to test the waters, especially if your partner is unable to tell you exactly what flavor of risqué remarks they have in mind. Simply say what you’re going to do, what you’re doing and what you just did.
Here’s a basic, yet effective example:
What you’re going to do: I’m going to fuck you like crazy.
What you’re doing: I’m fucking you like crazy.
What you just did: I just fucked you like crazy.
The genius of being descriptive is that it doesn’t require much thought or planning, and assuming your partner likes what you’re doing in bed, it guarantees that you’re talking about something that turns them on.
Express your desire.
In most cases you also can’t go wrong telling your partner how much they’re revving your engine. You’re probably familiar with cliché phrases like, “I want you so bad,” and, “You make me wet.” These lines are clichés for a reason: they work. And the reason they do is that many, many dirty talk aficionados enjoy hearing about your pleasure, especially when you make it clear that they’re the source of it.
Similar alternate lines include, “You’re so sexy,” “I love your (fill in the blank),” and even, “I’m so lucky to be with you.” These are different spins on the same basic idea—you’re giving compliments or saying they’re out of your league as a way of expressing your own desire.
Many people who like smutty speech also enjoy being bossed around a little. If your partner is one of them, the key to sexy commands is to make them simple, clear, and definitive like, “Turn around,” or, “Bend over.” The main thing you don’t want is to be too verbose or think out loud by saying something like, “I think I want to touch your back, so maybe you should turn like this? Or maybe just turn around? Oh yeah, that’s nice.” If your partner wants to be dominated, nothing will kill the mood faster than a lot of extraneous talk, so keep it short and salty.
Consider role play.
Role playing requires a bit of prep to do well, but if your partner wants it, why not give it a go? Once you know your partner’s fantasy—and, yes, you do need to get this info. from your partner, there really is no other way—create some stories. You don’t have to write a novel, but you shouldn’t be thinking up ideas in the moment, either. The perfect balance is to outline the basics: I’m the teacher. He’s my student. I’m punishing him for a late homework assignment. He’s turned on but thinks it’s wrong.
Then when it’s time for action, remember that this is dirty talk, not dirty act-out. Start by laying out your pre-planned scenario. For example, if it’s a doctor/patient thing, you can say, “You’re a doctor and I’m the patient.” Then, once the scenario is clear, go back to the basics—what you’re going to do, what you’re doing, and what you just did—but say everything in character. Like, “I’m going to give you an exam. Now I’m putting my fingers on your…” You can take it from there.
The most important part of role play is that, unless your partner asks you to stop, you should never break character. If your partner digs the role play, they’ll want to stay in the scene until the main events are over. So even if you need to pee, don’t just say that. Instead, tell your patient that the doctor needs to step out but will be right back.
Don’t be afraid of repetition.
At a party saying the same joke over and over is irritating but when you’re naked, repeating the same vulgar phrase can be utterly delightful. If a certain word or phrase is turning your partner on, go ahead and say it again. Or if you partner enjoys a specific naughty story or scenario, like hearing about your past exploits, it’s fine to reference a specific hookup again and again.
You’re not a sex robot (unless you are, see previous tip about role play), so be sure to mix in some other phrases or add new racy details to refresh a favorite fantasy, but also don’t be shy about putting the greatest hits on repeat. After all, they’re called greatest hits for a reason.
Now that you’ve got a few ideas for what to say and how to say it, it’s time to test out your new knowledge. Like any other sex act, dirty talk is a skill. And while it may come naturally to some, for most people it requires practice, including a bit of trial and error as well as tips and feedback from your partner. There’s just no better way to learn fast and get really good at saying raunchy, x-rated, off-color smut than to open your mouth and do it.