Skip to content

Home > Videos > Dating Tips to Get Past Small Talk and Onto the Good Stuff

Dating Tips to Get Past Small Talk and Onto the Good Stuff

Video Transcript:

Hello daters, I made this video just for you. My name is Marni, owner of The Wing Girl Method. And, from here on out, I will be your very own personal wing girl. That means it’s my job to explain women to you and break down all the frustrating, confusing and mind-boggling things they do. I’ll also tell you what to do to get the women you want using my insider resources.

Today, I wanted to answer a question that I got from David, who wrote, “Marni, I absolutely detest small talk on dates. It literally makes me mad and I know that it’s not good for dates. What else can I talk about that has more substance and gets her to open up and start talking?”

And here’s my response to David. David, I totally get it. In fact, I don’t know a single person who thinks, oh wow, I can’t wait to get into the restaurant and have mind-numbing, useless conversation about absolutely nothing. No one actually likes small talk, but everybody uses this tactic to help them discover something that they and the person standing in front of them can connect and bond on. However, I do have a couple of quick ways to bypass lengthy small talk to get you more solid and real conversations going.

1. Have three missions ready. 
What I mean by missions are things that are going on in your life that the other person can help you with. I used to run these boot camps all the time, all over the world for men, where I would coach them for three days straight and by the end, they would come out as awesome, charismatic, confident men who women simply adored. On one of these boot camps, I had another coach with me (a male coach), and I noticed he would do something that got people to open up instantly to him. He would meet someone and in minutes he would bypass the usual “get to know you” chitchat or small talk and start talking to them about something in his life that was going on and then ask them for their advice or their opinion. For example, at the time he was looking for a certain kind of chair for his apartment. (I know nothing special.) But, it was something he was seeking assistance on. He would tell people that he’s been on this mission to find the perfect chair—good balance between comfortable and fashionable (not a lazy boy style chair). He’d also tell them about where he’s already gone to find a chair like that and other details about the mission. See how this goes on as a mission. The “what do you think” aspect of this tool is what draws a woman in and gets the conversation going. Women love to give their opinions, and in fact, it’s a good way to learn more about the woman sitting in front of you. My advice is to always have three missions ready to go. They should be easy things to put together because as humans we’re always on some sort of mission (we always have things going on). It’s a great way to bypass small talk and get straight into talking as if you’ve known each other forever.

2. Be armed with some fun and different conversation starters.
I know icebreakers can be corny, but remember, both people on the date or eager to jump off the small talk bandwagon, and are hoping to land on a flowing conversation that showcases their personality. So, why not help move that along faster? Many of the usual questions we ask people in the beginning don’t really tell us much about them. We learn what they do for a living and other things that might not reveal if you’re actually compatible. Why not stand out and make her notice you with different questions. So, I put together a list of cute ones that once again, they’re super cheesy, but they can get conversations started.

So here they are.

Number one: What’s your favorite song to sing in the shower?
Number two: What was your most embarrassing moment in your life?
Number three: What shows did you watch growing up?
Number four: What was your favorite book when you were younger, and what’s your favorite book now?
Number five: What’s the weirdest thing that ever happened to you?
Number six: What’s your favorite ice cream flavor?
Number seven: How do you feel about people talking during movies?
Number eight: Tattoos—yay or nay?

Again, not magical topics, but what these icebreakers will do is help lighten things up. They’re different and they’re fun.

Plus, these questions will help you see the authentic side of a woman rather than the rehearsed, buttoned up version, which will possibly lead to some good connection. Once you’ve talked for a while, you can move onto deeper questions. Think of questions like, um, “Do you like this city?” Or, “What do you like about the city? Have you lived in a lot of places? What’s your favorite thing about your job?” These can help open a woman up and really tell you things about her—how she works and what she thinks.

And those are my two tactics for breaking the ice with women or really anyone. Having a few missions and being armed with fun and different conversation starters can really help make your dates be more engaging, and help connection happen faster (if it’s not happening already). By the way, connection is what creates that spark that women talk about all the time. More connections equals a greater chance for a spark and an even greater chance for a second date.

For more tips on how to rock a first date with a woman and have her wanting to see you again and again, go to or check out my other videos on YouTube.

More from The Date Mix
Dating Expert Shares Top 5 Online Dating Tips
Online Dating Tips Dating Expert Shares Top 5 Online Dating Tips
Online Dating Tips for Women Over 30
Online Dating Tips Online Dating Tips for Women Over 30
8 Of The Best Dating Sites For Women Recommended By Women
Online Dating Tips 8 Of The Best Dating Sites For Women Recommended By Women
Data-backed Tips for Writing Better Online Dating Messages
Online Dating Tips Data-backed Tips for Writing Better Online Dating Messages