Let’s face it, some people aspire to walk down the aisle waiting to approach their groom or bride, while others just want to have a relationship without the “m-word” attached to it. Marriage is one of the biggest life decisions to make with the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with. For some, it’s just hard to see that actually happening, which could come from a range of emotions.
If you’re wondering about whether or not you’re the marrying type, here are a few ways to know if it’s for you:
You’re not afraid of long-term commitment.
People who want to be married understand that this is a long-term relationship with legal strings attached. According to a survey from the Institute of Family Affairs, the main reasons for divorce are lack of commitment, conflict, and infidelity. This leads us to say that commitment is the highest form of trust, intimacy, and dedication.
When considering if you can handle commitment, think about how much of your life you’re willing to share with your married spouse. Another way to look at this is to reflect on how you’ve handled commitments in previous serious relationships. Was being fully focused on your partner something you embraced or something that gave you cold feet? Do you feel comfortable being this close to someone or do you think you’ll miss having more freedom and privacy?
These are all important questions to ask yourself, especially if being obligated and coming home to the same person will be a major change for you. When considering marriage, try visualizing yourself being fully dedicated to your future husband or wife.
You see it in your future.
We all know someone who has always dreamed of living their life with a picture-perfect marriage, while others are happy singles or chronic daters. It can be challenging to create something you can’t see for yourself. Getting married has to do with your long-term goals, your affirmative and opposing views on family, and the way you want to spend the rest of your life.
I grew up with both of my parents who stayed in a committed relationship together but weren’t legally married. For me, marriage just wasn’t a big deal until I saw how important it was for others around me. It made me realize how important your surroundings, society, and even the media, play in our choices about our love life.
If you do see your future-self with the ring and wedding vows, try not to get too attached to the idea of “when” it will happen. There are some things we can and can’t control, but if marriage is something that you possibly want, don’t let social norms tell you that you have to get your marriage license by a certain age. If it’s something you do or don’t want for yourself, let that happen naturally and be honest with your partner.
Marriage fits your lifestyle.
Truth be told, not everyone wants the traditional sequence of events where it’s the engagement, the wedding, then the house, and children (pets count too). There are some people who get cold feet about marriage because they’re afraid of losing themselves, becoming less independent, or keeping up with the pressures of their family/friends expectations.
In considering if marriage would cramp your lifestyle, write a list of everything you value and the priorities in your life. For example, if meeting certain personal and financial goals before you get married is something you value, then it probably wouldn’t make sense to jump the broom before that. Having a current or future partner who can understand and meet those needs should give you a better sense of whether or not you want to move forward.
If you have a set way of doing things and you’re not sure if you’re ready to create a life around your marriage, the best step to take is to be honest with yourself. There is no right or wrong answer when deciding if marriage is for you. One of the goals should be to have a partner who is on the same page with where they see the relationship going.
Marriage, just like many other relationship is about being with someone that gets you on your terms. Let it be up to you to set your own rules for love and companionship, and ultimately do what makes you happy.