According to the National Center for Health Statistics, the divorce rate in the U.S. is on the decline. More Millenials are waiting longer to get married and as a result, there are both fewer marriages and fewer divorces. But these changes in numbers doesn’t mean that divorce is uncommon. In fact, almost 50 percent of all marriages in the U.S. will end in divorce or separation.
Though each relationship is different and each divorce comes with its own set of nuances, many couples decide to part ways for similar reasons. Here are five of the most common reasons why people get divorced:
Money and Debt
“Lack of money puts stress on a marriage,” says Deanna Kloostra, a legal domestic abuse coach. “Instead of becoming a money management team, they fight over what bill to pay and not to pay.”
And, when a couple brings debt into a marriage, they’re starting in a hole they that may be hard to dig their way out of.
“Debt is a huge problem for many Americans. Student loans, medical bills, and credit cards are standing between young people and the lives their parents led,” says Los Angeles based divorce attorney, Hossein Berenji. “Many marriages fall apart because couples simply can’t make ends meet. Over time, arguments about money and spending put too much of a strain on relationships. Spouses grow resentful and unhappy and decide to call it quits.”
Money issues are such a common reason for divorce because many couples aren’t on the same page, financially, when they get together. While one partner saves and paid bills on time, the other may be more wasteful and irresponsible with spending. Over time this can cause a lot of issues and stress.
This is still a common reason why couples divorce. While some people may work hard to keep a marriage together after a spouse cheats, divorce attorney, Ariella Deutsch, says infidelity puts an enormous strain on a relationship.
“Many of our clients have tried to work it out before resorting to divorce, but for many more, they were in our office within days of finding out and that was it for them,” she says.
If a spouse cheats, there’s typicallya lingering issue that led them to stray.
“Usually, it happens (in my experience) when a couple experiences newfound success,” says divorce attorney and founder of The Hive Law, Atlanta Divorce Attorneys, Melissa Breyer.
“Typically, the spouse that received the promotion (or whatever it may be) decides other areas of their life also deserve a makeover, which usually ends up in an affair. Sometimes it also stems from feeling unfulfilled in their relationship emotionally.”
Being Together for the Wrong Reasons
Maybe it was to have children, they didn’t want to be alone, or wanted financial stability. Deutsch says that the why doesn’t really matter if it’s the wrong why.
“People usually know on some level going into the marriage that there is something practical motivating them,” she explains. “Or some sense that they’re getting married because they want to be married more than that they want to marry their spouse.”
They may have also rushed into marriage based off of these superficial reasons and never really got to know their future spouse.
“Rather than spending time learning about one another before getting married, spouses are figuring things out along the way,” says Berenji. “As a result, it’s common for couples to realize that they have different priorities or want different things in life.”
Poor Communication and Conflict Resolution
“In order for partners to have their needs met in the relationship, they must be able to communicate effectively with one another about those needs and how best to meet them.,” says Dr. Talal H. Alsaleem, PsyD, LMFT, and and infidelity recovery expert. “They also must be successful in addressing any kind of conflicts related to differences in points of view and opinions in healthy ways that are conducive to solving the problems at hand.”
Instead they fight dirty or keep everything bottled up.
“Relationships require open and consistent communication; without it, you’re just asking to be upset,” says Breyer.
Lack of Intimacy
Do not underestimate the importance of sex and intimacy.
“Physical intimacy is an important part of a successful marriage but, unfortunately, as we get older our bodies can change and one partner may lack the drive to keep up with their physical appearance,” says relationship expert and author of MAGIC Words: How To Get What You Want from a Narcissist, Lindsey Ellison.
The couple may find themselves, not attracted to each other anymore. It also goes beyond just sex and the physical intimacy, says Amber Shirley, a relationship coach.
“Relationships require heart-centered communication and quality time together with an emphasis on emotional intimacy,” she explains. “Everything you do as a couple from your words, actions and thoughts are either bringing you closer together or moving you further apart. Couples who neglect opportunities to deepen their emotional intimacy will soon find themselves disconnected and disappointed.”