The beginning of a marriage can be challenging for a new couple as they figure out what this new label means for them. By talking to a marriage therapist, newlyweds can get a better idea of how they should treat each other to have a successful relationship, but you don’t have to pay a professional to find out what makes a marriage last.
Keep reading for 15 newlywed marriage tips that will keep your relationship thriving “‘til death do us part!”. Putting in the work to build a healthy foundation is key for a happy marriage that can last a lifetime.
15 Marriage Tips From A Therapist Every Newlywed Couple Should Know
Communication really is everything
This little gem of marriage advice is at the top of everybody’s list for a reason.
Communication is how couples get to know one another, resolve conflict, and create inside jokes. It’s how they have amazing orgasms and develop an instinct about each other. Start communicating in your marriage like your life depends on it!
Show appreciation regularly
Fact: compliments make people feel special.
When you use basic manners and don’t shy away from telling your partner all of the things you appreciate about them, you’ll be on your way to building a lasting, happy marriage.
Don’t go to bed angry. Yes, really.
Have you ever heard the phrase “You should never go to bed angry”?
It turns out that this age-old adage actually holds some weight. Studies have proven that going to bed angry is actually bad for your health. In the grand scheme of things, trivial arguments are not worth losing sleep over.
Table your discussion and kiss and make up for the night. If not for your marriage, then for your health!
Discuss family planning ASAP
Do you and your spouse want kids?
It’s important to talk about family-planning early in your marriage. Discuss whether you want children, in what timeframe you want to start thinking about starting a family, and the preventative measures you’ll take in the meantime to avoid pregnancy. Making sure you’re both on the same page is important with significant issues such as children and finances.
Sex is really, really important
Physical intimacy is very important in a marriage.
The National Bureau of Economic Research shows that increasing sexual activity from one monthly session to one weekly session increases partner happiness by the same amount as getting a $50,000 annual raise. The oxytocin released during acts of physical intimacy such as intercourse, hand-holding, and cuddling has been proven to increase trust between partners. Some studies also suggest that oxytocin plays an important role in fidelity in men.
Choose your battles wisely
The longer you’re with your spouse, the less “cute” their quirks will seem to you.
If you don’t want to end up in marriage therapy, make it a point to choose your battles wisely. After all, does it really matter who changes the kitty litter or whether your spouse squeezes the toothpaste from the end of the middle of the tube?
No, it doesn’t.
Know what it means to be partners
Being a partner means that you are associates – members of your super special marriage club. You cooperate, share responsibilities, work towards goals, and have loyalty for one another. Embrace the idea of being partners in life and love!
Build a romantic friendship
Sure, your spouse is the one who pleases you in bed, buys you gifts, and plans romantic evenings – but they should also be your friend.
The Journal of Happiness Studies suggests that couples double their marital satisfaction rates when they view one another as their best friend. Build a romantic friendship with your spouse the same way you’d start a friendship with anyone else.
Be loyal, laugh together, make time for each other, try new things, talk about everything and nothing, and find common interests.
Figure out your finances
Couples are no strangers to arguments about money. The sooner you figure out your finances, the better. Discuss, in detail, who will be responsible for what financially, how you plan to spend and save, and what your monthly budget will be.
Figuring out finances in a relationship is essential for lasting and loving marriage.
Don’t be afraid of marriage therapy
Many people think that if they need marriage therapy it means that they’ve somehow failed in their relationships, but this simply isn’t the case.
Marriage therapy can be a great tool to strengthen a relationship against future troubles. Couples will learn how to communicate, how to work through past issues, and how to resolve conflict in a way that is fair and respectful.
Forgiveness leads to a happy marriage
Look, you love your partner, but sometimes they are going to do things that hurt your feelings or drive you up the wall.
Get ahead of the game by learning to practice forgiveness early in your marriage. Trust us, it’ll save you a lot of frustration down the road.
Be a “we” couple
Are you a “We” couple or an “I” couple?
Studies by Psychology and Aging found that couples who used we-focused pronouns experienced greater relationship happiness and more positive emotional behavior, whereas greater singular pronouns increased conflict and negative emotional behavior.
Make date night a priority
Life gets busy.
Whether you’re raising a family, both working full-time or have other social obligations, sometimes it’s hard to take time throughout the week to stop and connect with your spouse. This is where date night comes in.
Research shows that having a regular date night at least once a month is positively linked to greater communication and better sex. Couples who have a regular date night are also less likely to get divorced.
Use your words carefully
Words hurt, and the things you say to your spouse during an argument can have a lasting impression. Remember that arguments are supposed to be about resolving conflict, not seeing who can yell the loudest.
The next time you disagree with your loved one, use healthy communication to work it out and never let an argument be your excuse to degrade, disrespect, or belittle your spouse.
Stop trying to change each other
Love your spouse for who they are, not who you wish they were.
A lot of couples (and women especially) go into a marriage thinking that they can change all of the little things they don’t like about their partner. This does not work. If you don’t like who your partner is before you get married, odds are you’ll like them even less after you get married. Choosing to marry someone, is choosing to marry all part of them.
Getting married is an exciting new adventure for couples, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. There will be ups and downs in a marriage that may feel like a rollercoaster, but when you love each other, it’s a wonderful ride.
Applying these marriage tips and always being open and willing to work on your relationship can help newlyweds build a strong, satisfying, lasting relationship. If that means marriage therapy or quietly putting the cap back on the toothpaste, learning how to love each other is one of the greatest lessons in life.