The Real Reason You Should Never Settle In Love or Life

Two happy people who never settled in love, jumping in front of a colorful wall.

Let me just begin by saying, I get it. I get why so many of us settle in love, or in life. I really do. Because we don’t want to feel like we’re alone, or falling behind our friends’ lives, or as though nothing around us is stable.

We crave comfort and security, which means many of us avoid embracing our discomfort and the unknown. But get through that period of challenge and soul stretching, and you’ll find your way to the beautiful life you always dreamed of living when you were younger. Until it got beaten out of you by your parents, your teachers, and your employers.

Here’s the real reason why you should never, under any circumstances, settle in love or life.

No matter how hard you try and make it work, it won’t.
You can force yourself to live the life you think you should live as hard as you want. But it won’t work. Something will always feel like it’s missing. And the universe will continue to kick your ass until you finally wake up and do something about it.

So you might think playing it safe is the easier option, but that’s not actually true. You’ll find it much harder when you don’t do what you truly desire to do at a soul level. And by that logic, you’ve really got nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

It’s like ordering a Margarita pizza, when you knew you wanted a pepperoni.
Take your mind back to the last time you were in a restaurant, ordering food. What happened? You probably browsed the menu for a short while, had a think about what you really wanted, then ordered it, right?

It would be crazy to know what you wanted, then decide to order a completely different dish when the waiter came by, just because it was a dollar or two cheaper. But that’s exactly what you’re doing when you choose to settle in love and life.

You don’t need to settle for the Margarita, when your heart desires a pepperoni, okay? Remember that next time you’re dining out.

Would you encourage your kids to settle?
What kind of example do you want to set for them? The one where it’s best to play it safe all the time, because who knows if you’ll ever get anything better than this?

Or the one where you say fuck it, and you say no to waking up next to someone who makes you feel lonely, or a job that destroys your soul; and you finally decide to believe in yourself, and say yes to manifesting your deepest dreams here on earth?

What advice would you give your best friend, your parents, or your children if you saw them settling? You need a dose of your own medicine.

You’re signing up for a life of frustration and misery.
Is that what you really want? Do you want a life that feels like a constant uphill battle, where nothing flows or feels easy, and it feels anything but fun? Do you want to look back and regret not taking a little bit of a risk, or following your heart? Do you want to get to the end of your life feeling like you didn’t really live? If you want a reason not to settle in love or life, this is it.

Because there are other doors that will open.
But if you don’t give yourself the chance to walk through them, you’ll miss out on that amazing person, or dream job, or beautiful experience that was waiting for you around the next corner.

That’s how life works. But you have to trust it. You have to trust that something better is coming alone, and that this life is happening for you, not to you.

Why have mediocre, when you deserve extraordinary?
Settling means accepting the ordinary; the mediocre life that so many people resign themselves to living. Because they think they don’t have another choice, or the other choice looks too difficult from the outset; but they do have another choice, and it’s not as tricky as it seems.

Why settle for anything in this life? Why settle in love just so you can say you’ve got someone? Just so you can wake up in the morning and have the comfort of someone next to you? Just so you can check marriage and kids off your life list, the way everyone around you is doing?

Why settle in a job you hate just so you have a steady paycheck coming in each month? Just so you can afford to pay for that mortgage you don’t even want, that car you bought so you’d feel better about your crappy life, and that two week vacation in Cabo that you really need so you can make it through the rest of the year?

Why settle for mediocre? You deserve extraordinary.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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