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Is the Person You’re Seeing Still Actively Online Dating?

A woman actively online dating on her phone.

Now that online dating is a normal way to meet people, new issues have come up that are totally different from the things daters use to worry about. If you’re wondering what you should do or how should you feel when the person you’re dating reveals that they still have an active online dating profile, we’ve outlined seven different scenarios that will likely come up.

Check them out to get some insight into what’s normal online dating behavior, and what’s definitely not ok.

Scenario 1: His profile is live but you’re not official yet.
So, you’ve been on a couple of dates and the two of you seem to have really hit it off, but then you noticed that the guy you’re super interested in changed his profile photo on the dating app you met on, which means that he must still be active. Should you be upset? Probably not. Cut him some slack on this one, because if you haven’t had ‘the relationship talk’ and made things official and exclusive yet, then he might just be covering all his options in case you don’t feel the same way he does. Things might (and should) change after you’ve decided to be exclusive. That’s when the profile needs to come down.

Scenario 2: Your friend finds the profile of woman you’re seeing.
Do you have a friend that also uses the same dating service as you? If he came across the profile of the woman you’re dating and asks you about it, it could get a little weird. First off, try to figure out when was the last time she actually used the app. It might be that she simply hasn’t thought to delete her profile yet. It’s actually really common to leave a dating profile live on a site or app even if you’re seeing someone or not actively online dating. If you really want to find out if she’s still using the app, you could ask your friend to reach out and see if she responds but we wouldn’t recommend it. If she does respond, you’ll feel hurt and things could get awkward. Instead, just ask her if she’s still using the app and start a conversation.

Scenario 3: You’re putting a lot into the relationship but he’s still using the app.
If you discover that the guy you’re with still has his profile live  and that he’s been active within the last few days, then it might be time to consider whether you’re investing more in the relationship than he is. Sometimes we can fall head over heels in a short amount of time and simply assume that the same thing is happening to the other person. Unfortunately, this isn’t always the case. He might still be treating your relationship as a casual thing and assuming that you are too. If you want something more, you need to tell him how you feel. Even if he’s not on the same page as you, at least you’ll know and can move forward.

Scenario 4: You’re just not sure if she’s still actively online dating.
This is probably the most obvious piece of advice but it can also be the most difficult to put into action. Rather than sneaking around, trying to piece all the information together, you really should just come out and ask her exactly why she still has an active dating profile. This will give her a chance to explain herself and you the opportunity to weigh all the facts before deciding whether you’re happy with where the relationship is headed. Maybe casual is fine with you for a while, maybe it’s not. Either way, it’s better to know where you both stand. Could be she’s been waiting for you to bring it up.

Scenario 5: You’re on an app that lets you change your status.
Many dating apps and sites give you the option to change your relationship status from single to married to everything in between. If the person you’re seeing insists on keeping his profile, ask that he makes it clear that he’s already in a relationship. This might help clear up confusions, and other people will see that his profile is there more as a placeholder than an active advertisement.

Scenario 6: You think about online dating differently.
It might be the case that you and your significant other just have completely different attitudes towards the way online dating sites and apps should work. You might see them as something to use to genuinely try to find a life partner, whereas she might seem them as a place for a little bit of innocent flirting and a self-esteem boost when she’s bored or feeling low. Having a dating profile doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re looking to stray from your relationship, so make sure you understand the other person’s angle whilst at the same time sharing your own.

Scenario 7: He refuses to stop online dating.
Ultimately, if you really want the person you’re with to delete his dating profile and  he refuses, then it’s time to reconsidering whether he’s the type of person you want to have a real relationship with. Bottom line—online dating is dating. If you want to be exclusive and give up the app and he’s not ready to stop seeing other people then a relationship isn’t going to work. If he has such a disregard for your feelings, then he isn’t going to be the most compatible partner for you in the long run.

Remember, online dating is still new and it changes all the time. As a result, the social norms and expectations we have for dating before changes right along with the technology we’re using. Be open minded, and if you’re confused or unsure, just ask the other person. Could be you end up laughing over your mutual confusion. Could be you find out he or she isn’t as into the relationship as you though. Either way, you’ll know where you stand and be ready for whatever’s ahead.

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