There is an iconic episode of Sex and the City that everyone knows by a simple phrase: the post-it. The long story short is that Carrie Bradshaw, played by Sarah Jessica Parker, gets broken up with via a post-it note. It’s a hilarious episode, largely because who would have the audacity to break up with someone with just a post-it note and not an in person conversation?
The 2018 version of the post-it note is the text message. And chances are, so many more of us can relate to the text message breakup. It’s not the best way to go about ending a relationship, but it certainly gets a slide from time to time. Every great once in a while, someone really deserves to be broken up with in a way that doesn’t require any of your time.
If you find yourself in one of those situations, here are a few tips and examples of breakup texts you can send to someone who really deserves in.
Tip 1: Lead in gently.
It’s tricky to start a text message to someone you intend to end things with. You don’t want to lead them on by sounding too normal in the text, but you don’t want to start with, “We’re breaking up,” right off the bat either. If it’s finally time to let things go, start a bit gently and work your way toward the meat of the conversation.
“Hey Jim. I have had such a great time with you over these past two months…”
If you’re angry or upset, for a very valid reason, you don’t have to be that gentle or kind. Try to be a little more direct and to the point in order to downplay any conversation.
“Jill, it’s time for me to say goodbye to you.”
Tip 2: Provide a reason.
Regardless of what happened between you two, a reason will provide closure. If you’re not upset, but things have to end for some other reason, it’s even more important to provide some sort of closure for your former partner.
“Over the past few months, I’ve realized that I haven’t been as happy as I used to be.”
You can choose how detailed you’d like to be, dependent on what you are comfortable sharing, or how much you realize about the relationship.
“I realized I’ve been putting your life ahead of mine. Spending time with your friends and family, focusing on your work stresses, and I’m not happy anymore.”
If you’re angry—let’s say you’re breaking up because you discovered they’ve been cheating on you—you can be a lot less explanatory.
“I found out you’ve been with Susan even though you swore things were over. That’s reason enough and I hope you’ll respect my wishes and never contact me again.”
Tip 3: Rely on honesty.
Whether this breakup is amicable or friendly, or fury-filled, honesty is really key. The more honest you are, the more likely the recipient of the text message will not argue back. Breakups are really foggy, and oftentimes, it takes weeks for the conclusion of the breakup itself. If you’d like to end things finally and certainly, the more honest you are, the better.
“Honestly, Jim, it’s important for you to know the truth. I don’t love you anymore, and haven’t for awhile.”
Or, something a bit more direct if you have more truths to divulge.
“Jill, you have been disrespectful to me for months. You bring me down and I am tired of expending my energy on you.”
If you’re honest, there’s no guarantee that your ex will let you go that easy, but chances are, if you’re telling the truth, it will be easier for you to both move on.
Tip 4: Put a stop on further contact.
It’s human nature to want to provide some sort of a soft blow for a sad situation. Instead of offering up pointless promises like, “let’s still be friends,” be truthful about the reality of the breakup.
“It’s been nice knowing you, but I’d appreciate if we didn’t talk anymore.”
“You don’t deserve me in your life anymore. Please delete my number.”
“I am blocking you on all accounts. I don’t want to talk to you again.”
“Thank you for the memories, but it’s really over for me. Please leave me alone.”
“This is it, for real.”
“Goodbye, and I mean it.”
Tip 5: Remember, all breakups are different.
No one’s breakup looks exactly the same, which means your breakup texts likely won’t either. For those relationships that were positive, draining, and everything in between, there are a few texts that will work regardless.
“It was so nice getting to know you over the past few [days, weeks, months], but I don’t feel a connection anymore. I wish you luck in the future!”
“Last night’s date was fun, but I really don’t feel a connection to you.”
“Truthfully, I’m still in love with my ex and things don’t feel settled with us yet. It was nice meeting you but I’m not interested in hanging out again.”
“Spending time with you never felt quite right. I’d appreciate if we went our separate ways now.”
“I don’t think you love me anymore, and I’m not interested in having you convince me. Good luck with your next relationship.”
“I heard what you did and I don’t want to see you anymore. Please leave me be.”
“I’d like to see other people and I know you don’t want an open relationship, so this is my goodbye.”
Regardless of your reason for breaking up, sometimes a text message is the best way to do it. If you don’t feel comfortable breaking up with someone face-to-face because you’re worried about your safety, send the text message instead and make sure your friends and family are aware of your uncertainty. If you found out bad news and feel betrayed by your partner, a text message is a perfectly acceptable way to break up. If you’ve just gone on one date, or two or three, a text message is a fine way to end things.
All of these text messages should give you an idea on how to best craft your own breakup text for your own situation.