How many times have you known something’s bad for you, but couldn’t help but indulge in it? A whole pizza to yourself with stuffed crust, too many glasses of wine on a Tuesday night, and sun bathing without wearing any sun cream. We know these things are bad for us, but we keep on doing them. Why?
Because we like doing them, or we like how we feel while doing them or the pleasure we get after doing them.
The same goes for men. It’s really hard to stop thinking about someone you really like, no matter how poorly they treat you or if you know they’re not right for you.
Your family and friends have given you advice countless times, and you know you should’ve walked away a long time ago, but for some reason your head or your heart can’t let go.
Here’s how to get over a guy you know is bad news, once and for all.
Figure out what isn’t good for you.
Sometimes you can be really aware that you’re in a toxic relationship. This might show up in the form of emotional or even physical abuse—which is never okay. But there are a lot of times when we make excuses in our head for someone’s actions, because we love them, which means we fail to see the ways in which they’re treating us poorly.
But for you to get over someone who’s not good for you, you have to recognize what that actually means, and how it’s showing up for you. Someone who isn’t good for you means someone who doesn’t respect you, or puts your health (emotional or physical) in danger. It also applies to someone who betrays your trust, uses you for their own gain, or creates a life for you that’s worse than if you were on your own.
So even if it’s as small as someone not responding to your texts, or bailing on plans with you, these would still fall into the “not good for you” category if you feel disrespected or upset as a result.
Focus on those parts of the relationship.
Once you’ve figured out the toxic parts of the relationship and the guy in question, you can use these as tools on your journey to get over him. Focus on the reasons why it wasn’t working, and the ways in which you felt like you weren’t being treated the way you’d hoped to be. This will help you see that while it may hurt now, this is what’s best for both of you long term.
If you need to lean on your friends or family during this time while you’re working through things—do. That’s what they’re there for.
Remember, you can’t change someone.
If someone wants to make some big changes in their life, it’s possible, but they have to be making those changes for themselves.
This is why when a girl attempts to change a guy who’s not ready to, it always fails. You can’t change someone, so if there’s a part of you hoping this guy will change so you can be together, think again.
If he hasn’t made those changes already, he’s unlikely to. All that’s left is for you to respect that, and continue building a life without them in the picture.
An important step in getting over someone is to give extra care to yourself than you usually would. That might mean eating well, moving your body each day, getting more sleep, sprucing your house up with a beautiful bunch of flowers, or getting a new haircut. All these little things will really help to lift your mood, shift your mindset, and focus your attention on something other than him.
A couple of things that feel good in the moment, but not so good after include: eating a tub of ice cream on your own, and watching movies like The Notebook on Netflix.
Quit cold turkey.
This means unfollowing him on social media, deleting him from your phone, and not hanging out in places where you know you might run into him. Keeping that connection alive is only going to draw you closer to him.
You know what you’ve got to do: cut the cord.
Just keep on reminding yourself of all the times he disappointed or hurt you, and all the times you put up with way less than you deserve.
Know what you are willing to accept, and be honest with yourself about it.
If you’re okay with someone continually letting you down in a relationship, then you might choose to stay in it. But if you know you want and deserve more, then you’re only going to make yourself miserable by staying.
Think about what you really want. Is this guy giving you that? If the honest answer is no, you’re doing yourself a disservice by keeping him in your life.
Sometimes things are worth fighting for, while other times there’s nothing to fight for. Knowing someone’s not good for you means this is a time to cut your losses and walk away. At first it’ll be hard, but once you’re over that initial period you’ll realize you’re much better off without him. You won’t be able to get to this point unless you make a commitment to move forward in your life—so make one today.