Getting over someone you dated for a few months or even a few years is hard to do—especially if a part of you still has feelings for them, which is highly likely otherwise it wouldn’t be so difficult for you to let go. Sometimes it can feel like it takes forever to get over a guy, but there are ways you can speed things up.
First, I want you to know we’ve all been there. You might’ve been there before, too. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, focus on the positive things you can take away from the experience, and give yourself the best chance at moving on.
Here’s how to do just that.
Cut all contact with him.
Delete his number, unfollow him on all social media, and resist the urge to meet up with him even if he asks. You might think you’re strong enough to keep his number in your phone, and not do anything with it, but you will have moments of weakness (often when alcohol is involved) where you end up going back to what feels comfortable and safe.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to delete him from your life. Like, right now. (Well, ok, after you’ve finished reading this.)
Find new places to hang out.
If you have mutual friends, or if you live in the same town, the chances of you bumping into him will be pretty high. This is only going to make you think about him more, so if you want to fully cut ties with him and the relationship, try to find some new places to spend your time.
That doesn’t mean you have to avoid all your favorite spots, but it’s probably a good idea to avoid his favorite spots and friends for a while.
Take up a new hobby
The best way to stop thinking about someone is to give your mind something else to focus on. If you think carefully, there’s probably a hobby or passion project you’ve wanted to explore for a while, but you haven’t found the time to do it.
Now is the perfect time. Maybe that’s starting yoga, joining a running club, or baking cakes. And if you can’t think of anything you want to do, spend some time trying lots of things until you find one thing you love.
Be kind and patient with yourself.
I want you to know it’s okay to have bad days when you’re trying to let go and get over someone you care about. It’s okay to feel sad, and to not feel like your usual self. It’s okay to want to spend some time on your own, and say no to plans with your friends. Do what feels right for you.
It’s important that you show yourself love, care, and patience during this time. Even if you have a relapse and you find yourself being drawn back to him, forgive yourself for that. Being hard on yourself won’t make you feel better—and that’s our goal.
Focus on you.
Now is also a great time to pause and reflect on your life. Is it heading in the direction you want it to head in? Are you happy with your job, your friend circle, and the place you live? Because if you’re not, now is the time to make those changes and head in a new direction. You have no commitments to anyone, so you can be totally selfish and do whatever you want to do.
So maybe you’ll book that plane ticket. Maybe you’ll apply for that other job. Maybe you’ll move towns. Focus on you and the life you want to live here, and make sure everything is in alignment with that.
Lean on your loved ones.
Your friends and family are there to support you during tough times like these. So don’t be afraid to pick up the phone and call them if you need someone to talk to. And don’t wait for them to do it, because they might be thinking you need space, so they’re leaving you to it.
Catch up with old friends, go for a day of pampering with your Mom; and don’t try to put on a brave face if you’re struggling inside. Be honest, and allow your loved ones to comfort you and give you their advice if you need some.
Remember he is not the one.
This relationship didn’t work out for a reason. Keep reminding yourself of that anytime you feel like you want to text him, or you think you’ve made a mistake.
Don’t forget—there are 7 billion people in this world. All you’re looking for is one. Just because it’s not this guy, it doesn’t mean you won’t find him eventually.
Give yourself permission to start dating again.
Allow yourself as much time as you need to process your past relationship, reflect on the ups and downs, and what you can learn from so that you don’t make the same mistakes twice.
When you’re ready, put yourself out there and start meeting new people. Talk to interesting strangers you meet, ask your friends to set you up, or try one of the many dating sites available.
Remember, it’s okay to move on, and dating someone new is just the final part of the process.