Is He Losing Interest? How to Tell If He’s Drifting Away

A woman wondering is he losing interest while looking down and thinking about her boyfriend.

When you feel your partner is beginning to ignore you or lose interest, it can hurt like hell. Sometimes, it comes out of the blue, other times it builds gradually. Either way, don’t blame yourself.

Long term relationships can become stagnant if you’re not both making an effort to keep the romance and spontaneity alive. And sometimes, people aren’t great at communicating their true feelings, and they end up withdrawing from their partner.

It’s totally normal to want to fix things, and there are a few things you can both do to remedy the situation; but you’ve got to know whether it’s worth saving first.

Here are eight signs he might be losing interest in you:

1. He makes excuses.
If you’re a priority to someone and they truly care about you, they will make time to be with you no matter how busy they are.

If he’s suddenly having lots of late nights at work, going to the gym more, or claiming he’s really tired it might just be an excuse so that he can avoid spending time with you. It’s not because he can’t, it’s because he doesn’t want to.

2. He doesn’t ask you many questions.
When we’re attracted to someone, we want to know everything about them. We’ll continue asking personal questions, be interested in what they have to say, and we’ll usually remember those little snippets.

If he seems really distant or uninterested whenever you’re talking, it’s a clear sign he’s not interested in the relationship anymore.

3. He talks about other women.
If he continually talks about other women in front of you or to you, he might just be doing it to make you jealous, but it could also be him hinting to you that he’s interested in someone else.

Even if your man finds other women attractive (of course he does, as do you) the respectful ones will know not to throw that in your face.

4. He picks fights.
When a guy wants a way out of a relationship, but he doesn’t have the guts to break up with you, he might start picking fights and arguing over everything in an attempt to get you to break up with him, so he doesn’t have to do any of the hard work.

If he’s picking at you, or being really defensive, or doing things on purpose when he knows they wind you up he might be trying to push you away.

You might think he’s doing this to avoid hurting your feelings, but he’s actually not thinking of your feelings at all. He’s thinking about himself.

5. He’s not responsive.
If you’re having a lot of unanswered texts, or one word, vague replies don’t freak out. Guys aren’t great at communicating, and it’s well known that girls often send life stories via text, only to get a couple words back from their boyfriend.

But, if it feels like a genuine struggle talking to him, and you feel like you’re trying to break through this brick wall he’s putting up, it might be a little more serious.

6. Your sex life has changed.
If you’re never having sex, it’s a sign your guy might be losing interest in you. You can try and re-kindle that spark in your relationship and get the romance back, but if he has lost interest in you as a person, there’s nothing you can do.

You might find instead you’re only having sex, without the other coupley stuff, and he only ever calls you in the evenings when he wants some company. This is because he wants the physical side of your relationship without any strings attached.

7. He doesn’t talk about the future.
If he says “I” a lot instead of “we,” it’s a big sign he’s not committing to you, and he doesn’t see you in his future. Or if you try planning things in advance, and he’s not keen, it might be another sign he’s losing interest, and doesn’t want to tie himself to anything. 

8. You just know.
As women, we have a super strong intuition that we often ignore. Deep down in your heart, you probably know if he’s losing interest in you or not.

That might not be what you want to hear, but the truth is always better than pretending everything’s okay when it’s not.

What is your gut saying? Listen to it.

Ok, so what to do about it?
The best thing to do is to sit down and have an honest conversation with your partner. If you’re feeling like he’s being distant, tell him.

If he cares about you and wants to be with you, he’ll make a conscious effort to change things and make you feel more cared for and loved. If he still doesn’t seem to care, or seem bothered about your relationship, then you have your answer.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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