Not Sure What a Good Relationship Looks Like? Here It Is

A couple in a good relationship smiling and laughing with their dog.

If you haven’t been in a long term relationship before (which many of us haven’t), or you’ve only been in unhealthy relationships; it’s not always easy to know what a good relationship is. And until you know what a good relationship is supposed to look like, you won’t know what you’re meant to expect, or realize when you’ve finally found the one.

Here are some of the subtle and not so subtle signs of a good relationship.

You build each other up.
Not only do you pick each other up in your dark times, when you’re feeling a little bit fragile or unsure of yourself; but you also build each other up during the good times. This means giving each other little compliments, reminding each other about what you love about one another, and focusing on all of the good things you bring into each other’s lives.

You fight—but with love and respect.
You don’t rag on someone when they’re down—especially not the one you love. So even when you fight—which is actually really healthy for any relationship in moderation—you do it with mutual love and respect.

All couples argue, and if you disagree with something, it’s important to speak up instead of brushing it under the carpet. Arguing every now and then is actually another one of the signs of a good relationship. But there’s such a thing as healthy fighting and unhealthy fighting

If you’re healthy, you avoid hurting each other with your words, or dragging up the past; and instead fight in a grown up, civilized manner.  

Your days are better with each other in them.
Both of you should be happy and feel whole on your own, but now that you’ve found each other, your days just feel that little bit brighter.

And that makes sense, because when you’ve got two people, you’ve got a team, and a team is stronger than anyone doing it solo. You lift each other up when you’re down, and make the most exciting adventures and moments even more magical than they already are.

You love having alone time to maintain your independence, but when you’re together, it feels like sunshine.

It’s built on solid trust & honesty.
Like most important things, this one takes time to develop, and can only happen if both people are willing to be open and honest from the start.

But all good relationships need a solid foundation of trust and honesty to stand the test of time. This means no lies, not even little white ones, and always being totally upfront with each other.

It can be difficult to have certain conversations, but people who are committed to each other don’t shy away from hard topics.

You choose to grow together.
Many couples fall in love, plan and build a life together, but end up going their separate ways eventually. This is because they haven’t made a conscious decision to grow together.

As we get older, we naturally change and evolve, and if we’re not careful to make sure we’re still growing together as a couple, we can end up drifting apart and falling out of love.

The sign of a good relationship is when both people choose to continue growing together, no matter how much they grow as individuals.

You’re always there for each other in times of need.
Whether you’ve had a rough day at the office, you’re suffering with stress, someone you love is suffering from an illness, or you’re just having a bit of a pity party for yourself; your partner should always be there for you. To give you a hug, to tell you everything’s going to be okay, and to do what they can to relieve some of the stress on your shoulders.

And likewise, you do the same for them. It’s always a balance of giving and receiving depending on who’s going through what. And no matter what, you never fail to show up and support each other.

You’re totally comfortable around each other.
This one requires both of you to be vulnerable with each other, and let your guard down; which is something many of us struggle with. And it’s not our fault.

It’s most often because we’ve learned from watching our parents when we were younger that it’s not safe to open up, or we’ve been burned in past relationships. Naturally, we don’t want to be hurt again, so we keep those walls up.

But real love and a strong relationship can only form if you’re willing to be open, and let someone all the way in. It can help to remind yourself that this new person is not the same person as the one who hurt you.

If you can do that, then you’re allowing yourself to welcome in love, and an amazing relationship.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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