Ever wonder what it is about makeup sex, that makes it feel so different from other sex? Well the answer is easy: It just IS different. The anger and frustration experienced during a conflict can also stir up lots of passion and feistiness, which is released during sex. Another reason it feels good? We’re simply more connected to our emotions during this time.
When in a moment you felt rage towards your partner, you now feel euphoria when the conflict has been resolved, says psychologist and radio host, Dr. Cooper Lawrence. “This has to do with your level of attachment to that person being greater which makes the sex better, as opposed to a regular day when attachment levels may be moderate,” she says.
Following a fight, people feel distant from each other. Sex can be an effective way to fix a romantic relationship after its been jeopardized and restore those feelings of intimacy and closeness. Studies have shown a strong connection between the quality of sex and marital intimacy after conflict. Researchers also found that women show better immunological changes during makeup sex, (improving immune systems) as well as better blood flow, heart rate and all the other factors that boost one’s health.
But, a lot depends on what the conflict is and how important the issues are to each person. You can’t have makeup sex unless the conflict is somewhat resolved, says Lawrence, and both people have to feel that way. Sex columnist and host of SiriusXM’s LoveSujeiry, Sujeiry Gonzalez agrees, saying it’s best to avoid makeup sex when nothing has been resolved. “If you jump into bed without discussing your feelings or the issue at hand, makeup sex becomes the thing you do to avoid confrontation and conflict.”
Couples should take caution in becoming too reliant on sex, using it as a way to just brush the underlying problem under the carpet. “It’s best to say, ‘I love you and desire you even if we don’t agree and argue’ after both parties have communicated how they feel. You don’t get over the fight with makeup sex; you embrace your differences and solidify your love with makeup sex,” says Gonzalez. Sex should not be tied to relationship strife, as it may just point to deeper issues than what is really being argued. “Sex is sex and conflict is conflict,” says Lawrence. “It’s when it is resolved that sex is good, but sex doesn’t resolve the issue.”