Like the saying goes, “what doesn’t kill you makes stronger.” Well, don’t tell that to someone going through a heart-wrenching breakup because dealing with the end of a meaningful relationship and getting over someone can feel like emotional amputation. The hurt, sadness, rejection, and host of other unpleasant feelings can seem numbing and endless.
The good news is that the pain and sadness doesn’t last forever, says author of “How to Get Over a Breakup,” Preston Ni.
“A breakup is often a special opportunity to learn about love, ” he explains. “Emotional pain and hurt can be great teachers.”
But first, you must accept the breakup. Once you do, you’ll realize that there’s always a silver lining surrounding heartbreak and in the end, you’ll emerge a stronger person.
Here are some ways how getting over someone will actually make you stronger:
1. You learn lessons you can use in future relationships.
And one of them may be that you deserve better. By analyzing past relationships, you can get a sense of what went wrong, what wasn’t right, and make sure it doesn’t happen again. Meditation teacher, spiritual guide, and author of “Break the Norms,” Chandresh Bhardwaj, says just like every season is different, so are the romantic relationships we experience.
“[Relationships] all have their beauties and flaws. When one relationship ends, really think about what you’ve learned. Every relationship is meant to teach us something about ourselves.”
2. You realize how much love you still have in your life.
A bad breakup can be emotionally exhausting and during the tough times, we surround ourselves with friends, family, and even our pets. This unconditional love and support is one of the greatest gifts we have, and we may not even realize it until something bad happens.
Bhardwaj says, “The love and care of others can help you further assess your strengths. Pay attention to the good people and the good things that are still in your life. Remember, happy moments don’t remind us of our blessings as much as the tough moments do!”
3. You have more time to focus on the relationship you have with yourself.
Following a breakup, it may be a shock to realize all the extra time you have. The after-work hours and weekends, which were once dedicated to your partner and the relationship, now can be filled with activities that specifically suite you and your well-being.
“Seek out new and interesting experiences that arouse your passion: meet new people, take classes, travel abroad, exercise, volunteer, hike a mountain, etc.,” suggests Ni. “Think outside the box. What’s something you’ve always wanted to do, but have held back on doing?”
4. You get a fresh start.
What happens when you’re continuously on your phone or laptop, non-stop? The gadgets heat up, slow down, and eventually the batteries die. People are no different than those burned out devices, says Bhardwaj.
“When we continue to move blindly through relationships, we get exhausted and drained. Restarting your inner system is of immense importance. A break between relationships give you much needed time to better self-reflect and focus,” he says.
5. You figure out what you don’t want…and what you do!
Relationships are about trial and error. No relationship will be perfect. While some people do find their better half early in life, it may take more time and more failed relationships for others to find theirs. One of the most important lessons you learn in failed relationships is how to recognize flaws—those of both yourself and your partner.
“Keep track of the flaws that drive you crazy and you’ll learn to avoid them in future relationships,” says Bhardwaj. “Keep track of what your partners say they don’t like about you. If you start to notice a trend, you’ll know that you’ve got some stuff to work on too.”