What Is a Serial Monogamist? 7 Signs You’re Dating One

A guy who's a serial monogamist hugging his girlfriend and closing his eyes.

Everyone has a different dating style. Some people are big into commitment while others are naturally more aloof. Knowing about your partner’s dating style can help you learn a lot about them and can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship. Let’s talk about a common but often misunderstood dater in today’s world: the serial monogamist.

First thing’s first: What is a serial monogamist? A serial monogamist is someone who always wants to be in a relationship. They like committing to one person. A common misconception around serial monogamists is that they date a lot of people back to back, cycling through many partners in a short amount of time. That’s not necessarily true. Serial monogamists seek commitment, not variety; most prefer quality over quantity.

Just because someone likes commitment doesn’t mean they’re going to pressure you to get married right away. But they do move at a different pace and with different motivations. Check these signs to see if you’re dating a serial monogamist so you can learn more about them.

1. They just got out of a relationship right before they started dating you.
Serial monogamists are uncomfortable being single. The biggest sign that you’re dating one is that they took little to no time to be single before your relationship began.

2. They’re not into playing the game.
When you first start dating someone, you might be coy about things like avoiding texting back too quickly, hiding your quirky habits, and keeping your guard up. But serial monogamists get comfortable in relationships—even ones that aren’t officially official yet—very quickly. They’re not interested in waiting and they don’t want to play dating games; they want to jump ahead six months to the part where you’re in a comfortable, committed relationship.

3. They value the three C’s: comfort, commitment, and communication.
Serial monogamists want to be comfortable in your relationship right away. They expect you to commit to everything from them to dinner plans, and they demand constant communication. Plus, they don’t do a fourth C: casual.

4. They’re not very independent.
They’ve always had a romantic partner to lean on and with which to experience life. They also may often live with multiple roommates or still live with their parents. They crave the feeling of having someone there for them, and they may have never truly been on their own or grown into their own person.

5. They talk about their ex a lot.
Most people use the time after a breakup to mourn it, meditate on it, and learn from it. But when serial monogamists break up with someone, they jump right into a new committed relationship without taking the time to process the loss. As a result, they carry around baggage from their previous relationships. Whether they realize it or not, they often bring it up in their new ones—and may make the same mistakes over and over again.

6. They don’t have a lot of wild stories about their single days.
For the majority of their adult life—and maybe even their adolescent life—they’ve been in a relationship. There aren’t any single days to talk about. So if you’re trading stories about your crazy, adventurous days, they won’t have much to add. Serial monogamists crave stability, and by their terms, being single is not stable.

7. They seem consumed by your relationship.
Everyone’s dated someone who’s been “all in” right away. If your partner is intense and very caught up in your relationship from the start, they might be a serial monogamist.

Being in a relationship with a serial monogamist isn’t a bad thing. They’re some of the most loyal, thoughtful, and caring partners you’ll ever date. Knowing more about them can help you understand their patterns of behavior and can lead to happier, healthier relationships.

Brianne Hogan

Freelance Writer

Brianne is a Canadian freelance writer who’s been writing about dating and relationships longer than any of her relationships. She applies a “do what I say, not do what I do” approach to her articles, and believes you can find Your Person mostly when you aren’t looking. So enjoy your life, and eat lots of cheese (at least that’s her motto). Her byline’s been featured on Thrillist, The Huffington Post, HelloGiggles, Elle Canada, Flare, Awesomeness TV, among others.

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