Just because you’re alone, doesn’t mean you have to be lonely, although sometimes it feels that way. If you’ve been dating for a while and not meeting your dream person, it’s natural to feel a little lonely. And sometimes that loneliness will negatively impact your dating. There’s somebody in the world for you, but often times it’s about timing.
If your loneliness is overwhelming, it might be time to do some self-care. Here are some of my favorite ways to fight loneliness when you’re tired of being single.
Mind Your Time
There are 24 hours in a day, and, in all likelihood, most of your day is already predetermined (sleeping hours, work, commuting, meal times, etc). However, there are special pockets, where you could be doing something—anything.
We all have things we should do but haven’t. Well, start doing those things. Want to get organized? Time for spring cleaning. You’re getting into meal prepping? Cook for the week. Need to get back in shape? Set up a gym schedule. Filling up that whitespace in your day with anything other than endless scrolling through your Instagram feed is a great way to build self-efficacy.
You know what things you need and want to be doing. So go do them.
See Your Friends
Sometimes it can feel like you need a relationship, if you’re the only one of your friends who are single. You don’t. You may want one but you don’t need one.
There’s a big feeling in western culture that romantic relationships are the highest form of relationship. They’re not. They fit up there alongside friendship and family. If romance isn’t working out, make a point to see your friends and make new ones. And who knows, it might just lead to your future mate.
Focus On Something Else
One of my favorite quotes by Brendan Francis is “At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep and powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.”
Use the space that would otherwise be occupied by a relationship to improve other areas of your life. Give a cold, hard think to what you really want. Figure out what’s stopping you from getting it. For example, if your goal is getting into a new relationship within the next six months, what steps can you start taking now to meet new people?
Take this time to know yourself on a deeper level, see what really needs your attention right now, and set goals around it.
Get a New Hobby
Whether you’re diving back into the pool for a few laps or taking a cooking class at the local recreation center, do something with your time.
Often times, new activities are a way to meet others who share common interests with you. This, in turn, can have two great benefits: more time out of the house, and more time with someone else to keep you company. This new activity doesn’t have to be something you do every day. Take baby steps and see if whatever you choose actually works for you.
Talk It Out
Decide who you feel most comfortable talking about your feelings with and what’s going on in your life. There’s no better therapy than sharing your feelings with someone. Being vulnerable is the best medicine for emotional challenges.
Some people you can try speaking with are colleagues, close friends, close relatives, people you share hobbies with, a therapist, a mentor or classmates.
Journaling can be a great way to get some of your thoughts out. Open up your word document or grab a pen and paper and start scribbling down the first words that come to mind.
You’ll feel better about yourself and learn to better process your feelings.
As the saying goes, f you can’t be happily alone, you won’t be happy with someone else. If you want someone that you can always rely on to make you happy, look in the mirror.