If you’re a caring person with any kind of heart, it’s never easy to break up with anyone. So when you still love them, it becomes even more complicated and difficult.
But if you’ve gone back and forth many times already trying to make things work, and haven’t managed to, you sometimes know it’s the right thing to do.
The sooner you end things, the quicker you can begin to move on with your lives and both find your way to better things. Here’s how to break up with your boyfriend when you still love him.
How to Break Up with Your Boyfriend Even When It’s Hard
Remember that love on its own is not enough
When we’re young and yet to know better, we convince ourselves that love is all you need to make a relationship bloom. But the reality is, a relationship requires so much more.
It needs trust, commitment, communication, kindness, compromise, and then some.
So even if you do still love him, remind yourself that love alone won’t be able to fix your problems or save the relationship. Not now; not ever.
List the reasons why you want to break up
When you still love someone, it’s easy to be blinded and influenced by the power of that love. That’s why you need to remind yourself why you want to break up with your boyfriend.
Make a list of all the reasons why this is the right decision for you. Forget about hurting his feelings, this is for your eyes only. Read this when doubt creeps in and you’re thinking of changing your mind for the thousandth time.
Have the courage to do it in person
You might want to not hurt his feelings and stop yourself from chickening out in person, but ending a relationship by text or phone isn’t respectful. It also leaves things unfinished and doesn’t offer the other person closure. There might be questions, and things left to say.
So dig deep and find the courage to arrange to meet your boyfriend in person to break up, and get everything out in the open. This will give you both the clean break you deserve.
Avoid playing the blame game
Even if you’re breaking up with him because of poor behavior on his part, there doesn’t need to be an argument. To avoid this, resist the urge to point the finger and place blame, even if you feel it’s mostly his fault. This will only make you both feel worse, and leave things on a sour note.
That being said, he will probably want to know your reasons, so you need to be prepared with an honest answer. Something like, ‘we don’t treat each other with love and respect and I think it’s time for us to both move on and be with people who love us how we deserve to be loved’, covers this but in a kind way.
Prepare for their reaction
If your boyfriend is in love with you, and the break up comes out of nowhere, then it’s likely he’ll be confused, hurt, angry, sad, and feeling a roller coaster of emotions. That’s why it’s important to be prepared for this so it doesn’t ambush you.
Remember, don’t allow their reaction to make you change your mind because you feel sorry for them. Even if they start crying or begging you to stay with them. Stand strong and firm in your decision.
Don’t have break up sex
This one’s kinda obvious, but you’d be surprised how often it happens!
You don’t need me to tell you that having sex confuses and complicates things, so just don’t do it! You’ll end up sending them and yourself mixed signals.
Establish clear boundaries
After the breakup, be really clear on establishing boundaries between the two of you. This will protect both of you from getting hurt even more.
So think about what you want from him going forwards. Do you want to eventually try and be friends? Will you still talk, and if so, how often? Are certain topics off-limits? Will you continue to be friends on social media?
Establish these boundaries as quickly as you can.
Remove constant reminders of them
You don’t have to throw everything away that he bought you, or delete all the photos you have from your relationship. But you want to be careful about what you have to see every day.
So taking pictures down from your walls, putting gifts away in a keep-safe box somewhere, and removing him from your screensaver are all good ideas. All break-ups are hard, but this will make it a little less painful.
Put your health and happiness first
And finally, the last but most important step is to think about yourself. Sometimes we don’t do that enough! You might be worried about him, or what your friends and family will say, but at the end of the day this is your life. It’s okay to make selfish decisions and do what’s best for you.
You want to break up with him because ultimately he isn’t making you happy or giving you what you need. When you’re wondering how to break up with your boyfriend, remember it’s more than okay to put your own health and happiness first. Communicate everything from a place of kindness and respect. And from here, you can both hopefully find someone more compatible.