Okay, who remembers the iconic gag in When Harry Met Sally when Carrie Fisher’s character incessantly asks for advice about the man she’s having an affair with, and when her friends routinely tell her he’s never going to leave his wife, she concedes, “You’re right, you’re right… I know you’re right.”?
This. This is what true friends are for. We listen to your woes, we help you to overanalyze every text, and then we tell you the one thing you don’t want to hear. Because sometimes, tough love is the most honest and helpful love of all.
This is especially true when it comes to dating. They say love is blind, and that’s why you need someone with clear eyes to bop you on the head with a pillow and give you the brutal truth so you can perpetually ignore it and then learn the lesson on your own, eventually.
Here are five dating tips that are brutally, but necessarily, honest.
1. Always assume first dates are serial killers
There’s no need to be a pessimist about it, but stranger danger is a thing, and it’s important to take some precautions. Tell a friend or roomie the name of who you’re meeting up with, and exactly where you’re going. Text them updates if plans change. And… it wouldn’t hurt to have a code word with a bestie if you need to bail. Nine times out of ten, this will all be overkill, but don’t let your guard down just because the person you met online and had one conversation with is super charming. You know who else is charming? Murders and people who start cults.
2. They don’t love you… Not yet anyway.
I mean, look, don’t get down about it or anything. But if you’ve just started dating someone, you shouldn’t assume they’re as into you as you are into them. Lots of people meet someone they’re crazy about and that’s totally awesome, but it’s almost impossible not to get ahead of yourself when that happens, and while your date is still playing the field, you’re day-dreaming about wedding locations. Early on, it’s best to maintain a, “Let’s just see where this goes…” frame of mind. And don’t go all-in emotionally until the two of you have talked about how you feel.
3. Stop texting so much.
In my opinion, we’ve long-since-graduated from the “wait two days” rule of dating, but we are deep into the “don’t double-text” era of dating, and while I feel that’s a rule that can be broken, there’s something to be said about mirroring someone’s communication rate so you don’t come off as overbearing. If you’ve texted, texted again, and now you’re checking your signal, checking their twitter feed, and checking your notifications cyclically every 15 minutes, cool it. Lock your phone in your trunk and go see a movie. No one likes coming back to 15 texts that chronicle your new date’s neuroses.
4. If you’re friends say they’re bad news, they’re probably bad news.
Your closest friends are huge assets when you’re dating. They know you better than anyone else, they look out for you fiercely, and they’re probably aware of your dating history and any bad habits you may have. If the people closest to you can’t get behind the person you’re seeing, there’s probably a pretty good reason. When we’re enamored with someone new, there’s a LOT we’re willing to overlook, but our friends are able to take a really honest look at someone, and give it to us straight.
Not to say they’re always right. There’s certainly room for a botched first impression. But if after getting to know your honey, your best friends are only lukewarm, it’s probably time to take a long hard look at why.
5. No one cares if you’re in love.
Once you’ve found the one and you’re blissfully happy, everyone is happy for you too! Your selfies are the cutest, and the way you gush about them gives us the warm-and-fuzzies.
That is, until week three. Facebook bragging about his sweet gestures, waxing romantic about how she’s enriched your life, chronicling every trip you take together, even if it’s just to McDonalds… We just don’t care. We’re busy living our lives with our seasoned relationships that piss us off half the time. If you don’t want us shrugging and rolling our eyes by the time you guys get engaged, cool it. Stifle the sugary love declarations and save them for a mega-post on their birthday. We’ll throw you a like then, and not before.
Most people have a brutally honest sister or a belovedly crass friend who has dispensed this information at one time or another, but because they’re so close to you, the advice tends to fall on deaf ears. That’s not to say it isn’t valuable! Raise your hand if someone you know has thrown advice like this in your face… The idea is to take the message for it’s intent. Regardless of how rude it sounds, it usually comes from a place of good intentions. We just want the best for you, bestie!
“You’re right, you’re right… I know you’re right!”