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Dating Advice for Shy Guys from a Not-So-Shy Girl

A girl flirting with a guy who is nervous and shy.

Hi Joan,

I’m trying hard to put myself out there, but I’m shy. What’s some dating advice for shy guys that you’d give to someone like me. I want to get a girlfriend, but struggling with the fear of rejection.


For shy guys, the process of getting out of your head and into the moment is more difficult. If you have a more introspective personality, talking to a complete stranger can seem more like a painful exercise than a natural process. When so many shy men are told that they need to be different to have dating success, getting over shyness seems like an insurmountable goal.

Whether you’re the shyest or most outgoing person in the room, all guys–at some point–have feared rejection. Being fearful is okay, but letting the fear of a weird moment derail you from taking control of your life is something I want to help you solve. The solution lies not in changing who you are, but instead changing your perception of what you have to offer.

A lot of women and men appreciate shy guys, and they gravitate towards them. For whatever reason, there’s this misconception that introverted guys are weird or awkward; however, many people seek a quieter persona to either balance or complement their own personality.

If you’re struggling with your shyness, and it’s impacting your ability to meet that special someone, try shifting your perception. Here’s how:

1. Get comfortable with your shy side.

Being shy is just a part of your personality; it’s not a predictor of your success with women. Instead of pushing yourself to be more social, more outgoing or someone you’re not, gravitate toward women who appreciate your mystery, your listening skills, or the way you don’t need to be the center of attention.

2. Realize that women want to talk to you.

I get tons of emails from shy women wondering how to catch a guy’s attention. They’re waiting for someone exactly like you to decide that rejection isn’t a good enough reason to sit back and miss opportunities.

3. Control the way rejection affects you.

Rejection happens for a number of reasons–many of which have nothing to do with you. The person you asked out could have a boyfriend or be taking a time out from dating. She might not like your shoes. It could be ANYTHING! Don’t take it personally. When rejection stems from things beyond your control, it’s not worth worrying about.

If you’re a shy guy, own it. Trust me, there’s plenty of quality women who would find your quiet side adorable—especially if they’re looking for a listener. If you strike out, don’t give up. Keep trying. Someone will appreciate you for who are.

Still confused? Watch and learn.

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