Listen up shy guys: being shy doesn’t have to get in the way of your dating life, or be the thing that holds you back from meeting someone amazing. In fact, being shy can sometimes be an asset. You just have to learn how to make it work for you.
Maybe you’ve had a string of experiences where you kept your feelings hidden then realized it was too late, were lost for words when faced with someone you were interested in, or suffered a series of rejections. But being shy isn’t your identity, it’s just one part of who you are.
Here are some dating tips for shy guys everywhere:
1. Realize that women are just people.
You’re probably not shy when you’re talking to your mother, right? What about that woman who scans your groceries at the store? They are both women. So you might think that you’re shy around women, but that’s simply not the case. So what reasons do you have to be shy around someone you’re attracted to? Treat those women the same way you treat any woman.
2. Build friendships with women you aren’t attracted to.
A great way to build confidence talking to the opposite sex is to do just that, with women you aren’t attracted to romantically. Build friendships, engage in conversation with them, and get comfortable being around them.
3. Focus on yourself.
Forget about approaching women right now. What you need to do is to focus on yourself and what makes you happy apart from a relationship. You’ll start building your confidence up in other non-romantic areas and that transfers over.
Do whatever you need to do to get yourself to a place where the thought of approaching an attractive woman doesn’t seem so daunting anymore. That might mean jumping out of plane, exploring a new country on your own, or starting that business you’ve always dreamed of. Do stuff that scares you, and see what happens.
4. Find friends who are more outgoing than you are.
Being around people who are louder and more extroverted will subconsciously help you to relax. Plus, you won’t have to do all the work when it comes to approaching women and initiating conversation.
5. Take an interest in her.
It’s pretty simple talking to a woman. All you have to do is ask her genuine questions, and really listen to her response. Be genuinely interested in her and what she has to say, and you’ll be okay.
You don’t even need to talk about yourself that much when you meet someone new. So give her the opportunity to share who she is with you, and she’ll instantly feel more desirable and connected to you.
6. Change the way you look at rejection.
If you knew you weren’t going to get rejected, would it make the whole dating process easier for you?
But remember this—when someone rejects you it’s not even about you. It’s either about the approach you used, or it’s about her. And if you used the wrong approach, don’t stress. Because that means it’s not personal. After all, she doesn’t know you, right?
7. Do what you love.
When you follow what lights you up, and you spend time doing things you love, you’ll instantly be more attractive to other people around you. And you won’t feel shy in any of those moments, because you’re fully immersed in what you’re doing.
And who knows? You might just end up bumping into a woman along the way, who’s drawn to your contagious energy and passion.
8. Retrain your brain.
If you’ve had bad dating experiences in the past, it’s time to let them go. You’re not that same person, and your past is not who you are. Thinking that you’ll never find someone is only going to help you manifest that belief in your future.
Believe that you will find someone amazing. Believe that your dating life is about to get a lot better. When you think positively, you’ll be more likely to draw positive experiences into your life, and also find opportunities in the less-than-good ones.
9. Change your outcome.
What if you totally changed how you see yourself approaching women from now on? What if the goal was no longer to get her number, or a date, and it was only to get better at talking to women?
If someone slips away, that’ll be okay, because you will still have learned and gotten a little closer towards your goal. This is a game you can win.
10. Embrace your shyness.
Being shy is not something you need to distance yourself from, so long as it doesn’t have a negative effect on your life and relationships. At the end of the day, humbleness is sexy as hell. As is talking to someone who doesn’t quite realize how incredible they are, and doesn’t feel the need to be the center of attention or the loudest person in the room all the time.
Who you are is great, it’s just about building on that amazing foundation, and getting comfortable and confident with who you are, so that other women can see that.
Don’t change who you are. Be yourself. Be genuine. And you’ll do great.