How to Talk to Girls: 6 Tips to Break the Ice

pretty girl looking over her shoulder about to have a conversation

Just because we’re in the age of swipe dating doesn’t mean we should forget the magic of meeting a girl for the first time in person. You know the score, that “meet-cute” movie moment when a couple meet and see their romantic destiny played out in the stars. That happens IRL too. But what if you’re not sure how to approach her? Here’s a little info on how to talk to girls when you’re feeling lost for words.

Out in the wild there are always opportunities for your very own meet-cute moment, but there may be several reasons why you don’t take advantage of them. Anxiety might get the best of you. You might be so afraid of rejection that you start panicking. It’s easy to lose sight of what you want, or you might be unsure  whether she’s available. With the odds seemingly stacked, you’d rather not risk making a move if there’s no chance. 

It’s true that dating apps remove this haziness. If you meet someone online, you know they’re available. Unless they’re engaged or married, women don’t walk around with their relationship statuses on show. 

But regardless of that, plenty of couples still meet in real life. They meet each other through mutual friends or work, or they start chatting with one another at a coffee shop. Dating apps may be sweeping the scene, but they haven’t fully taken over!

How to Talk to Girls: The Basics

So how do you approach a girl you like when you’ve got little understanding of her status. First things first, figure out what you want. Is it a relationship? Or is it just a date? Think about this first before you bowl over and bring another person into the picture. 

Secondly, it’s time to get over your anxiety and fear of rejection. Remember, success isn’t instant. You may slip and fall on your face. But try seeing those missteps as part of your journey to finding someone special. We all make mistakes, we’re only human (and so is the lady you’re trying to chat up!). Follow these simple steps and you’ll be on your way to meet-cute bliss in no time.

#1. Choose the right time 

If she’s with what looks to be her family or a group of women, you might want to assume that this isn’t the best time. If she’s also sitting on her laptop in a coffee shop absorbed in something, she’s probably busy and would rather not be interrupted. 

The same goes for the gym. If she’s got headphones on and running on the treadmill like a mad woman, it’s not the right moment to approach her. Choosing the right time has to be number one because if the timing isn’t right, the rest may crash and burn. 

#2. Start casual and light

“I’ve never had that kind of pastry before, is it good?” or “I really like your bag, I’ve been looking for one to carry my laptop just like that. Do you recommend it?” are easy openers. You’re effectively checking to see if she’s receptive to having a conversation. 

You aren’t immediately jumping into, “What’s something you deeply regret?” because hey, no one wants to talk about that with a random while waiting in the line at Starbucks! Once you’ve talked with her a little bit, you’ll be able to tell if she’s still interested if she sustains the conversation or looks to you to do so. 

#3. Ask for a favor

You could break the ice by just leaning over and saying, “Hey, could you watch my bag while I run to the restroom?” or “could you pass me a straw?”. These don’t require a lot of investment on your part, but at least getting you saying something to the lady you’re interested in and seeing how she responds in turn. 

#4. Stay upbeat

Negative people who rant and complain aren’t, simply-put, attractive. People are drawn to positive, upbeat people, so if whatever you say after your opener is some criticism of the barista, the place, the weather, etc. it’s likely going to discourage further conversation. You’re much better off at encouraging a conversation with this lucky lady by complimenting something around you both than being a grouch and railing against it.

#5. Make sure the conversation isn’t one-sided

Yes, you want to impress this woman, so you might want to spend a few minutes talking about why you love your job, but what about her? Stop and ask her opinion every once in a while, or make sure you’re also discovering things about her. You walked over to her and spoke to her for a reason. Make sure you figure out if your hunch that she’s a person you want to know better is right!

#6. Don’t interrogate her

If you really want a conversation to keep going and you’re nervous, you might fall into interrogation mode. You’re asking her questions rapid-fire: “Where do you work?” “Do you like that?” “What do you like about it?”. Give her some time to talk before you launch into another question. 

Also, remember that you’re a part of this conversation too, so it could be your opportunity to tell her about your job as well. That would be a more natural back and forth than something that feels like you’re trying to extract information from her for the sake of national security. 

Keep in mind that if she’s not participating in the conversation much, she may not be interested. That’s okay. You’ll have gotten your feet wet with talking to her and hopefully the next time you do, it’ll feel easier. You definitely don’t want to waste your energy on someone who isn’t into you.

Making the first move is always hard and scary. There are so many what ifs that could psych you out of never speaking to anyone of the opposite sex in public. But we all want our very own meet-cutes! If you keep seeing special ladies and neither one of you ever speaks to the other, those meet-cutes won’t happen.

So gentleman, figure out what you want and remember, ladies are only human too. Take a tiny risk by breaking the ice… we promise it won’t hurt you! 

Tara Mae Mulroy

Tara Mae Mulroy is a freelance writer and blogger who focuses on relationships. She is also the author of the full-length poetry collection, Swallow, and other writing found on her website.

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