What Women Want In Sex And Wish Men Knew

couple in bedroom speaking about what women want in sex

Communication is important in any relationship, and in a perfect world, we would all talk about everything we wanted with ease. However, this isn’t always the case, and talking about our sexual desires isn’t always as simple as it should be. 

Figuring out what women want in sex oftentimes comes down to paying attention to non-verbal cues, as well as conversations with your partner. But don’t worry, we’ve done some of the work for you when it comes to finding out exactly what women want!

The Basics: What Women Want In Sex 

Pay Attention To Non-Verbal Cues

Pella Weisman, a dating coach, and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, says she hears stories over and over again about how men are just not responding to the signals that women send. Learn to be a responsive, tuned-in lover and you will gain serious appreciation from your partner. 

Along with verbal expression, pay attention to their bodily cues; pleasurable sounds, heavier breathing, and do more of that. Not sure how to interpret a signal, just ask. Your partner may be too shy to tell you and will appreciate that you asked. If you’re not sure your partner is ready for a certain act or move, ask! 

Foreplay And Afterplay

For a lot of men, penetration is the goal when it comes to sex. For women, however, we need more foreplay. This isn’t necessarily about what women want in sex, so much as what we need in order to relax and be able to enjoy the festivities to come. Give us touching, teasing, lots of kissing, nibbling, and eye contact. You’ll find the more you rev up our engines before taking off, the more fun there is to be had for everyone involved.

And it doesn’t stop when sex is over. When you cross the finish line, take the time to continue touching and holding your partner. Getting up immediately after sex or rolling over and going to sleep is not what women want in sex, I can promise you that. Pay attention to your partner for a few minutes once the fun is over and reap the rewards.

Explore Ignored Hot Spots

Before, during, and even after sex, exploring often ignored hot spots can bring pleasure you’ve never considered. A sensual touch on your partner’s lower back. Lightly running your fingers across the back of their knees. Paying close attention to more unexplored parts of the body, with light flicks of your tongue, short breaths across them, and careful nibbles.

These things may seem simple, but they can bring great pleasure and add to your repertoire.

Talk Dirty to Her

Some women don’t care for dirty talk and that’s okay. But those who do, absolutely love it. Try whispering naughty things to your partner while you’re leaning in close during sex. See how they react. Turn it up a notch each time and gauge their reaction. 

When asked what women want in sex when it comes to dirty talk, it ranges from whispers in the ear about what you’re going to do next to being called naughty names. The easiest way to learn what your partner prefers is always just to ask.

Worship Her, Not Just Her Orgasm

We all love to hear compliments, but take a moment to tell your partner something more. Worship how much she means to you, what her body does to you. Tell her how she makes your life better.

If your partner feels you’re just going for the orgasm, it begins to feel like it’s about your ego more than her pleasure. Make her feel valued and appreciated, even in the heated moments. 

Don’t Stop At Lingerie

It’s great to receive lingerie as a gift. But when asked what they prefer from their partner, most replied something other than sexy items. Cute socks, soft blankets, flowers for no reason, gift certificates to her favorite spa, and other non-sexual items topped most lists.

When your partner knows you’re thinking about her and what makes her feel comfortable and loved, she feels desirable.

Bring Toys To Bed

There’s nothing wrong with adding a little spice to your sex life and sex toys can do just that. A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that bringing a toy to bed can lead to multiple orgasms in half of all female users. Those are pretty stellar odds.

But women tend to worry about how their partner will feel if they bring their mechanical boyfriend to bed with them, so why not ease their worries and bring it along for her? It takes the pressure off her and proves you don’t have any insecurities about it. It’s a win-win situation.

What Women Want In Sex Isn’t Difficult To Achieve

When it comes to our desires, it boils down to communicating effectively. Non-verbal cues will always be a part of the sexual dance, from both parties, otherwise, we need to learn to talk with our partners about what we want and need in the bedroom. 

Sex is supposed to be fun and exciting for everyone involved. But none of us are mind readers. When we want something, we have to ask for it. Talking about our sexual desires opens us to new possibilities of pleasure and better relationships with our partners, and that’s a win for everyone.

Demeter DeLune

Demeter is a writer and sex positive blogger who’s been practicing what she preaches for longer than she’d like to admit. She’s the friend you have to warn your other friends about and channels that into her writing. She’s given advice all over the world, but still can’t get her cats to listen.

Discover more about her on her Twitter or website.

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