Believe it or not, shyness is both a strength and a weakness when you’re dating. As a shy girl, you might often question your dating competence, specifically your ability to come across as interesting, attractive, and memorable. It’s no secret that building chemistry comes from showing off your personality. But does being a shy girl mean you can’t shine? And if so, do guys like shy girls?
Truthfully, the answer is far from black and white; there are tons of factors that affect attractiveness and likeability. Depending on the guy and his personal tastes, he may perceive your shyness as either desirable or not. Your shyness might be the cutest, most endearing thing in the world to one guy, but to another, a little confusing or off-putting.
To help answer the question do guys like shy girls, here are some of the truths about being shy you should know:
1. Con: You may seem snobby.
You may not realize it but sometimes shyness can be read as snobbiness. Even if you’re excited about a date or a crush and have good intentions, your quiet demeanor can seem standoffish, making him think you’re being aloof or playing games. For this reason, you should make an effort to be more conversational and enthusiastic when you’re interested in someone, even if it’s outside your comfort zone.
2. Pro: You may seem confident.
On the plus side, this same attitude may also be read as confidence. A little shyness, combined with poise, can appear as though you’re selective and careful about exposing yourself. Because you’re not as brazen or eager for attention, you may seem more laid back and comfortable with yourself. So, here, being shy can actually work in your favor.
3. Con: You may seem insecure.
You may have a lot of opinions and things to say, but other people don’t know because you’re not speaking up. The con here is that you may feel uncomfortable asserting yourself with guys. It could be something trivial, like awkwardly shrugging your shoulders when a guy asks you to order on a date, or something more major, like being clear with him about looking for a serious relationship. A guy may feel less attracted to your shyness if it seems like you don’t have any opinions or can’t stick up for yourself.
4. Pro: You may seem sweet.
Some guys, however, might appreciate this shyness and think it’s sweet. These guys may not mind taking the lead on dates, or may find it fun to tease things out of you. There’s nothing wrong with having a ‘nice girl’ image if that’s who you really are. And if you like having a guy take the lead sometimes, this can work too.
5. Con: You may seem boring.
If you’re not always the most animated on dates, it might be hard to keep the momentum going. You may need to feel more comfortable and familiar with someone to show off your true personality, but on the downside, you might not shine your brightest with someone new. For this reason, you may want to practice being less hesitant about expressing yourself on first dates, you might even try erasing that verbal filter completely. After all, who cares if you accidentally turn him off with a bad joke or your special brand of weirdness? The right guy won’t walk away from your unique awesomeness.
6. Pro: You may seem modest.
Shy behavior can be interpreted, by a gentleman, as modesty. You don’t need to be the loudest, sassiest girl in the room to be attractive. A smart guy will appreciate your kind of elegance because he knows you’re not interested in him just because you like attention.
7. Con: You may seem guarded.
The final con of being shy is that you may seem emotionally guarded. With all the complications of dating, people can sometimes become burned from past hurts and then approach dating with a negative attitude. In this case, your shyness can look like you’ve built emotional walls that can confuse guys or make them feel weary about getting too close. To avoid being seen in this light, try entering new dating situations with a positive vibe, so you don’t appear jaded.
8. Pro: You may seem mysterious.
On the flip side, this shy and guarded vibe can come across as mysterious. But this effect only works if you’ve got a positive attitude despite your shyness. So if you’re a little bashful, but also sweet and willing to get to know your date, he may interpret your quietness as having emotional depth. Since you’re not rushing to expose all the innermost details of your life, you’ve got some mystery. (And that can be sexy!) Just don’t take it too far. At some point, when you’re ready, you’ll want to show some vulnerability because true intimacy needs you to be your truest self, insecurities and all.
Shyness can be both a virtue and a vice. If you’re a shy girl, you can work on taking steps toward becoming more open and talkative, but always stay natural and genuine with your personality. No matter what, you can’t please every guy and you shouldn’t want to. You can always become less shy but you should never become less of who you are.