In the initial stages of dating, there are a host of emotions going on. You’re excited, nervous, maybe smitten, maybe excited for the future but also dreading it… You may think that love is love, no matter who you are, but it’s not. Different people fall in love in different ways, and men and women in particular often think about love and relationships differently. Even if you think you can ‘make’ a man fall in love with you, it’s highly unlikely. You may get him to lust after you, or desire your company, but love is something different.
To help you get a better understanding of the male heart and how it works, here are seven expert insights about how men fall in love:
1. Men tend to be more visually stimulated than women
Studies have shown that men are more visually stimulated, while women tend to be more auditory. “As a result, men tend to fall in love with what they see, and women with what they hear,” says relationship coach, Dr. Tracey M. Phillips. “Men need to constantly be visually drawn to the person in order to fall in love.” But that doesn’t mean you have to be stunningly beautiful to attract love. Visual stimulation and attraction can build over time, or it may be where the initial attraction comes from but a deeper love builds as you both learn more about each other.
2. They fall for someone who appreciates them.
Men may pursue a woman they’re into in various ways, but if a woman keeps up with the “hard to get” game or doesn’t appreciate even the little things they do for them, they’ll quickly grow bored. Some may claim differently, but teasing a man or stringing him along is not the way to build affection or a healthy relationship.
3. Men actually fall in love faster than women.
It may be hard to believe, but according to a study in The Journal of Social Psychology, men fall in love faster and express it faster. The reason behind this, according to the study, is because men don’t question their emotions like women do. So if a man feels like he is in love, he won’t deny it.
4. Men fall for someone they know is happy around them.
When a man feels like he can make the woman in his life happy, he’s more likely to fall in love with her. But we’re not talking about superficial happy (like him buying her things or doing her favors), we’re talking about bonding. When a couple bonds and genuinely enjoys their time together, both people feel connected and secure in their ability to make each other happy.
5. He’ll want to be the best he can be.
When a man falls in love with a woman, you’ll notice because he may start to push himself a little harder, make more of an effort with certain things, and may even change some of his bad habits. He’s doing this because a man in love wants to be the best he can be for the woman he is in love with. Part of falling in love is wanting to be your best self for the other person. In the beginning it might manifest itself as the instinct to want to impress the other person, later you might want to make them happy, and down the line you may find yourself inspired to do and be more because the person you love supports you and builds you up.
6. Men are more impulsive in love.
When a man is in love, he won’t want to lose it, so he’ll do whatever he needs to do to get and maintain that love. While some men may string a woman they’re dating along, when the majority of men feel the ‘light comes on’, they’ll really pounce on it.
7. Men want a total package.
Like anyone, for a guy to be in love, he needs his total package. This usually includes physical attraction, knowing they can make the other person happy, and other emotions like kindness, loyalty, humor, and that unexplainable connection.
It may be a cliché, but love really does work in mysterious ways. Men and women are very different in their approaches to life, relationships, and love. But every person is different too. If you find yourself falling for a man and wondering how and when (and if) he’ll fall for you, keep these insights in mind but also keep enjoying your time together and focusing on the moment you’re in. Things like trust, friendship, and love can’t be forced or rushed. But if you take your time, they can be a lot of fun.