A man who is 40 and single leaning in to kiss a woman while they sit on some stairs.

When most people think of December, they think of holidays and the New Year around the corner. But it’s also a time to look back and remember both our successes and (hopefully not) our failures. Remembering can be a form of learning. For those of us who are in our 40s and single, reflecting upon our dating efforts from the past year is a way to learn from our mistakes and reinforce the positives.

To create a positive dating experience moving forward in the New Year, ask yourself these questions:

1. Did you make the effort to date?
Saying you want to meet someone and actually doing something about it are two different things. Think back over the past year and decide whether or not you put enough effort into meeting someone.

2. Were you too picky?
Did you not give certain people a chance because you thought they weren’t your type or they weren’t good enough for you? If you answered yes, you may want to rethink your standards and maybe give a person a second date.

3. Were you overwhelmed with too many choices that perhaps you let a good one slip by?
Maybe it’s time to slow down and give yourself a chance to really get to know someone before moving on to the next date.

4. Have you let someone go because you thought a better catch was on the horizon?
We certainly don’t want to settle, as discussed in my book, “Single and Not Settling! A Journey of Surviving the Dating World”. However, who or what are you waiting for? If you find yourself saying goodbye to someone because of a vague hope for something more, you may not be giving that person (and yourself) a fair chance to see if it’s right.

5. Is your list of qualities you want in a partner realistic?
Remember, nobody is perfect; everyone is going to have some flaw or baggage, especially as we get older in life and date people in their 40s and 50s. It’s great to know what you want but you also shouldn’t let the idea you have in your mind block you from the amazing reality that’s right in front of you.

These are just a few of the questions you should ask yourself as you reflect back and remember your dating experiences over the past year. There are so many factors that come into play while dating in your 40s. You don’t want to settle, yet you do want to be sensible about your dating goals. Take this December to remember the past year and create a realistic game plan for dating in 2018. Let this be the year that, next December, you can remember a positive and fulfilling way.


To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.

Tonia DeCosimo

Author on Dating and Relationships

Tonia, a successful entrepreneur, received her B.S. degree in Elementary Education and English from Manhattan College. Her career path, however, took her into the fields of marketing, publishing, and sales consulting in which she has worked successfully for the past 25 years. During that time, she has built and managed several companies including her own.

When she’s not busy building her career or dishing out dating advice, Tonia is the proud step-mom of two teenagers, resides on Long Island with her husband.

To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.