As the author of the book Single and Not Settling! A Journey of Surviving the Dating World I’ve interviewed a number of men and women in their 40s on the topic of one-night stands. Of course everyone has their point of view, but the majority of people I talked to felt that sleeping with someone on the first date was not a wise choice. Personally, I don’t recommend having a one-night stand but I’m not judging those who do. It all depends on what your goals for dating are and what you want out of the specific date you’re on.
With that in mind, here are some pros and cons of having a one-night stand while dating in your 40s:
Con: One-night stands are risky.
In the heat of the moment, when passions are in full swing, it’s easy to give in and spend the night with someone. However, you really don’t know their background and if you forgo using protection (which you should never do) you may suffer the obvious consequences of your decision.
Because you don’t know the person or their intentions, one-night stands can be a risk. You’re putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. Whether you’re at their place, your place, or a hotel, you’re alone with a virtual stranger and your friends or family don’t know where you are. If you decide to change your mind, leaving can get awkward and uncomfortable. Not to mention, the next morning.
Con: If you really like the person, you’re sending the wrong message.
If the person you’ve just met is someone you really want to get to know and have as a part of your future, they may look at you in a different light after sleeping with you. After all, they don’t call it a one-night stand for nothing. If you sleep with someone the first time you meet them, chances are you won’t be hearing from them again. You may find yourself dumped after one night of passion, or end up as a booty call whenever the person you met is in the mood. If this is what you want, then great. Go for it. But if you want something more serious, and really like the person you’re with, jumping into a physical relationship too soon may not get you what your after.
Con: It’s hard to be on the same page with someone.
It’s not unusual for people to bond during a night of passion. One of you may feel connected from this one-night stand while the other doesn’t, which can create animosity and emotional turmoil.
Con: People talk.
Remember, we live in a small world where everyone knows everyone, especially with social media. Your one-night stand could end up being someone’s tweet or text for the whole world to know.
Despite all of these negatives, there can be some positives to a one-night stand too.
Pro: Sometimes they turn into something more.
With some one-night stands, the connection is so strong that it grows into something serious. Maybe this just happened to be your future soulmate and the passion and connection is so deep that you live a happily ever after.
Pro: You get to have sex.
So this one’s obvious, but it’s worth stating. We all know how miserable we can feel when we haven’t had a lovefest for some time. A one night stand can relieve that sexual tension, and give you the confidence in yourself and your desirability that you need. Having a great night of intimacy can create a feeling of excitement and being needed. Who doesn’t love that?
Pro: It’s good practice.
Because the pressure’s off, one-night stands can be a good opportunity to explore sexually. You may learn things about yourself and also different sexual techniques that you can add to your arsenal of sexual satisfactions. It’s sort of like practicing for the future when you’re with someone you really like and want to impress.
Since you’re a mature adult over 40, the decision about whether or not to have a one-night stand is ultimately yours. Just keep in mind; there are pros and cons to everything. You may end up regretting it and then again, you may not.
To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.
