A couple dating in your 40s, smiling and laughing as they hug outside.

As you reach your 40s, let’s face it, your body and even your mindset may shift a bit. Most of us have had moments where our self-image and confidence were on the decline because of body changes and negative feelings of being alone and “past our prime.” We all want to find that special someone and enjoy those euphoric feelings of love, but sometimes it’s just not your time yet. Being overwhelmed with questions about why you haven’t met the right person, comparing yourself to others, and feeling sorry for yourself are sure ways to harm your chances to meet the right person.

Negativity breeds negativity, and it can be a hard rut to get out of, but there are a few things you can focus on to move past it.

Physical Wellbeing
When you feel good about yourself physically it’s easier to attract a partner because you exude self-confidence and a positive attitude. Keeping that youthful glow forever may not be possible, but there are things we can do to keep ourselves looking and feeling our best. A good face cream, exercise, and healthy eating will certainly help to keep us looking younger longer. And it’s a way to invest in ourselves and our health.

As we age, we know it’s inevitable that we’re going to gain a few extra pounds and have a few wrinkles. Falling into a state of self-pity makes it even easier for us to crave those sweets and pack on unwanted pounds. Getting to the gym or working out at home tones the muscles and, more importantly, puts you in a positive frame of mind because you’re getting endorphins and you feel in control when you’re taking care of yourself.

Of course, saying it and actually doing it are two different things.  We could all use the excuse that we’re busy, always working, and that we have no time but if you’re really looking for a partner, you need to feel good about yourself. We don’t all have to look like Heidi Klum, but setting a realistic goal for yourself and achieving it will give you that confidence you need.

Mental Wellbeing
Even though our physical state is what people are drawn to at first, at the end of the day, it’s our mental state that’s going to attract someone to us for the long term. You have to exude confidence as well as a joy for people and life in order to engage others. Nobody is attracted to a “Debbie Downer” even if your body is model material.

But staying positive isn’t always an easy task. All of our worries, fears, and feelings of dread drag us into that slump. Going on date after date and getting discouraged doesn’t help either. People want to be around happy, upbeat people. Even if that date wasn’t right for you, everyone and everything is a learning experience. If you look for the positive in every experience, even bad dates, it can help you master the art of dating with an upbeat mindset.

Also, constantly trying to find someone can backfire because you may come off as desperate and moody. Play it cool and remain confident. Each experience gets you closer to finding your right match.

Whether you’re 20 or 40, looking and feeling good about yourself will help attract the right people.  Setting goals to both look and feel good and pursuing those goals will remove feelings of negativity and replace them with confidence, energy, and happiness.

Tonia DeCosimo

Author on Dating and Relationships

Tonia, a successful entrepreneur, received her B.S. degree in Elementary Education and English from Manhattan College. Her career path, however, took her into the fields of marketing, publishing, and sales consulting in which she has worked successfully for the past 25 years. During that time, she has built and managed several companies including her own.

When she’s not busy building her career or dishing out dating advice, Tonia is the proud step-mom of two teenagers, resides on Long Island with her husband.

To read more of Tonia’s work and learn about her book Single and Not Settling, visit toniadecosimo.com or follower her on Twitter at @ToniaDeCosimo.