How to Text a Girl: 6 Steps to Do It the Right Way

A woman texting a guy who knows how to text a girl back, smiling and looking happy in the sun.

These days, texting is an art form. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do it. You have to be interested, but not clingy. Enthusiastic, but not desperate. Available, but not too available. Sound tricky? It can be at first. But once you learn how to text a girl, you’ll get the hang of it in no time.

When composed thoughtfully, the perfect text exchange can be your ticket to a date. But when composed carelessly, a text exchange can ruin your chances of ever seeing her again. If you’re wondering how to text a girl the right way, follow these six steps and she’ll be blowing up your phone in no time.

1. First, learn the unwritten dos and don’ts of texting.
Here’s your texting 101 crash course. Do: be respectful. Don’t: push her boundaries. Do: flirt. Don’t: be creepy. Do: respond to her text if you’re free and available to do so. Don’t: play mind games and make her wait too long for no reason. Do: text with a purpose. Don’t: text if you’re bored and have nothing to say. Do: use the occasional GIF or emoji. Don’t: let GIFs and emoji overwhelm the conversation. Got it? Good!

2. Once you know the rules, start by recalling the last time you saw her.
Whether you just met or have been on a few dates already, a good texting opener is to recall something that happened the last time you saw her. It’s an “in” that will automatically get her thinking about you, too. Try saying: I enjoyed meeting you last night. I’m still laughing about your unexpected “Happy Gilmore” reference. Or: I can’t stop thinking about how beautiful you looked on our date in that purple dress.

3. Be positive, playful, and flirty.
Girls are attracted to guys who don’t take life too seriously. Why? Because they’re easy to talk to and fun to be around. So, show off your charming side at every turn. If she asks how your day is, don’t just say “fine.” If she asks a simple yes or no question, send her a goofy reply. And if the opportunity presents itself, flex your flirting muscles.

4. Heighten the anticipation of seeing each other again.
You know that excited feeling you get when you first start dating someone? The butterflies you feel about the thought of seeing them? Live in that. Revel in it. Enjoy it! And make her feel it, too. Try saying: Talking to you made my day. Or: There’s something about talking to you that gives me butterflies.

5. Suggest meeting up.
Texting is nice, but remember: Texting isn’t the end goal here. The real end goal is to meet up in real life. There’s nothing wrong with some light banter, but save the big questions for a date—and steer the conversation in that direction. Try saying: Let’s do more of this, but in person. When can I see you again? Or: I’d like to continue this conversation in real life. Are you free for drinks on Friday night?

6. Know when to throw in the towel.
Sometimes, you can do everything right, but you still don’t hit it off with someone. One unanswered text isn’t a big deal, and two unanswered texts isn’t a huge cause for concern. But after a third unanswered text, it’s best to leave it at that. And don’t text her to say, Hey, you don’t seem interested in me, so I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to stop texting you. It sends the wrong message. Just let it go and move on to the next.

Once you get the hang of it, with a little bit of practice, you’ll be a pro at texting girl. The best part? When the right person comes along, it’ll all flow naturally.

Elizabeth Entenman

Freelance Writer

Elizabeth is a freelance writer, editor, and advertising copywriter in Brooklyn. Right now, she’s probably somewhere Instagramming her dogs.

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