9 Qualities of a Good Man to Look Out For

A confident man who shows a lot of the qualities of a good man, sitting at a coffee shop looking out a window.

The rise of online dating sites and apps has meant that it’s now easier than ever to meet single guys. But, naturally, you don’t want to meet just anyone, you want to meet the one. So how can you tell if you’ve met a good man?

It can be pretty difficult, especially when you’ve just started dating. That’s why we’ve put together this list of nine qualities of a good man for you can look out for.

He might not be six foot three, with a chiseled jaw or six-pack, but if he ticks all these boxes, you’ve probably stumbled on a keeper.

He’s kind.
Not just to you, but everyone he meets too. Younger girls and women might be drawn to the bad-boy persona, but once we grow out of that phase we find kindness a huge turn on, because we link it to confidence. 

For example, if he takes you on a date, and he’s polite to the waiter, that’s a great sign he’s going to treat you well too.

He’s intelligent (mentally & emotionally).
If he can hold a decent conversation with you, that’s sexy, right? Looks can only go so far. Of course, you need to be physically attracted to him, but for a relationship to work long term, there has to be something deeper than that.

Not only is mental intelligence important, but emotional intelligence too. We like to talk about our feelings, and be with someone who takes ours feelings into consideration the same way we do his.

He makes YOU laugh.
His jokes might be terrible—worse than your dad’s—but as long as he makes you laugh, that’s all that matters. So if he can always crack you up, even when you’re kind of mad at him, that’s a great sign. Being able to make us laugh tends to be high on most of our lists when it comes to finding the right man to date or settle down with. And it should be. 

He’s confident.
It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t look like a model, doesn’t wear designer clothes, or have a flashy car. That stuff doesn’t matter to most of us women. What matters is that he’s comfortable and confident in his own skin, and thus makes us feel comfortable and secure when we’re around him.

For example, if he finds himself in a tricky situation or dealing with new people, and he handles himself well, you know you don’t need to worry about future situations like that.

He makes an effort with your friends and family.
Even if doesn’t like them. And so many of us don’t get on with our future in-laws, so the chances of that are pretty high! If you find someone who encourages you to maintain your relationships, and values what they do for you, he’s a keeper. A man who makes an effort with the important people in your life, is someone who clearly cares about you.

He’s not afraid to work at the relationship.
No relationship will survive long term without both partners putting in a lot of time, effort, and work. Compatibility alone is not enough.

If he demonstrates that he prioritizes you and your relationship, shows up when he says he will, and is open to discussing and working on issues that arise, you know he’s serious and committed.

He always supports and encourages you and your dreams.
So many men refuse to change their own plans and work schedules for the women in their life—especially once children come into the equation. This can lead to resentment, and an environment where you’re unsupported.

Look out for a man who supports and encourages you from the start. Someone who takes an interest in your career and your dreams.

He respects you and your opinions.
You can tell early on if a man isn’t going to be respectful of you if he always thinks he’s right, and dismisses what you say very quickly. That’s not a good sign, and indicates he has power issues—stay clear of men like this.

A man who respects you will always let you speak, hear you out, and even if he doesn’t quite understand your point of view he will do his best to.

He listens.
You can tell when a man is fully listening to you, because he’s not on his phone or looking elsewhere. His eyes are focused on yours, and his body will be facing towards you. He’ll give you time to say whatever’s on your mind, and won’t try to butt in. If he thinks you’re upset or hurting, he’ll want to know what’s wrong, so he can try to fix it.

Find a man with all of these qualities, and you’ve found someone very special.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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