Is Sex With Your Best Friend Your Best Idea or Worst Nightmare?

Two people having sex with your best friend, making out on a couch.

Can men and women ever be just friends? That’s the age-old question that we keep on asking ourselves. So many platonic friendships between men and women have ended up with them dating or sleeping together; but is this a good idea or the worst thing you could possibly do?

On the one hand, it might seem like a fabulous plan. You know each other extremely well, you’re comfortable around each other, and you’re attracted enough to want to sleep with each other.

On the other hand, you’re worried that sex might ruin your friendship forever, complicate things, and make it hard to go back to the way things were—sometimes all for just one night of drunken, meaningless sex.

Here are the many pros and cons of sleeping with your best friend, just in case you’ve been thinking about it (let’s be honest, you probably have at some point!).

It might change the dynamic of your friendship.
Why? Because you’ve never seen them naked before, and you’ll end up knowing the exact face they make when they’re about to climax, along with all the other intimate details. You will never be able to forget this.

The truth is, there isn’t just a chance that your friendship will change, because it definitely will. It might be a positive change, or a not so positive one, but you won’t know until after it’s happened.   

Things can get blurry.
If you end up sleeping together after a drunken night out, the chances are it will happen again. Before you know it, you’re friends with benefits.

Feelings can develop which aren’t reciprocated, and suddenly the person who you used to call to moan about your horrible boss to is also the person you’re texting at 3 a.m. when you’re horny.

Confusing or what?

Nobody knows what the two of you are, least of all the two of you; and it can be really stressful trying to figure things out.

It might deepen the trust you have.
It’s not all bad news, because sleeping together might actually deepen your friendship, and take it to a whole new level.

You’ve already got a strong friendship, probably with a huge amount of trust. This can be magnified when you have sex, if it feels natural, safe, and easy between the two of you.

Sex with someone new is always quite daunting and requires a certain level of trust for it to be a positive experience. With someone who’s your best friend, chances are you already have this deep bond.

Your feelings can get complicated.
Maybe you’re sure you don’t love each other, but once you start sleeping together, your feelings can start jumping all over the place. This is normal because that’s what happens when you have sex—your body releases certain chemicals that cause you to feel certain things, which differ for men and women. So even when you’re adamant nothing will change, things don’t always work out that way.

Then there’s the opposite problem of not feeling anything when you do sleep together, and questioning why you don’t feel more.

Us humans like to make things complicated!

You might discover new sides of each other.
Just when you think you know everything there is to know about each other—because of how long you’ve been friends—you discover a whole new layer to them: their sexual nature.

Sleeping together will awaken you to this new element, and hopefully give you a deeper understanding of each other, creating wholeness in your relationship.

You may end up missing out on other opportunities.
One of the problems with crossing the friend zone is that you both get so caught up in this whirlwind where you’re trying to figure out what it all means, and what your true feelings are for one another; that you end up missing out on dating other people who are far more suited to you.

The best thing to do in this situation is to make sure you’re not dragging things on, and sitting down and having an open and honest conversation to help figure out your feelings for each other sooner rather than later.

It can be difficult going back to being just friends.
This is the one that worries most people, because when things are already so good the way they are, you’re scared to mess that up for one night of passion, or drunken sex.

Even if you think you’ll be able to get back to the way things were, it is often difficult to go back to being just friends once you’ve crossed that line in your relationship. You can both try your best to leave it in the past, but there’s no guarantee you’ll be able to see and feel about each other the same way you did before.

It might just be the best thing you ever do.
Don’t they say that the only things we regret in life are the chances we didn’t take? Going by the logic, if you have strong feelings for someone and would like to move things past just friends, maybe you should?

But be cautious. Don’t do it if you’re drunk. Only do it if it’s what you both really want. Talk to each other before going through with it, and make sure you’re on the same page. Maybe things will go south, or maybe your friendship will end up stronger than ever before.

Who knows? You might end up married.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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