Should I Call Him? How to Know If You’re Being Needy

woman on the phone to man she's dating

If you’ve gone out with a guy and he hasn’t called you back in a few days, he’s either extremely busy, or not really interested in seeing you again but doesn’t have the courage to tell you. It’s little wonder that the old question “should I call him” crops up with a vengeance!

Some women like to take charge and be the one to call the guy and suggest going out again, while others prefer to wait for the man to do the chasing. If you’re wondering whether you should call him, it all depends on the situation. Nobody wants to come across as being too clingy, but how do you know if you’re being overly concerned?

When someone is needy, it shows a lack of confidence and self-worth. This can come from growing up feeling unloved, or having a parent who was emotionally unavailable. You desire a kind, loving partner, but subconsciously you don’t believe you’re deserving of a man’s love and respect, because you’ve never had it.

But how can you know whether you’re being needy? We’ve put together a few pointers to help you figure out whether you should call him, or if you could do with taking a step back.

You’re not being authentic

It’s fine to ask a man out, this is the 21st century. So is making the first call or sending the initial message. But there’s a difference between taking charge and chasing someone. The former stems from a place of self-confidence, whereas the latter is bound to insecurity.

If you’re phoning him regularly because you feel the need to placate him, something could be something awry. Do you notice yourself biting your tongue or holding back out of fear you might derail things between you? If so, ask yourself whether you feel totally secure with your intentions.

It’s easy to spot this in other areas of your relationship too. Do you find yourself always agreeing with him because you’re eager to please him? Maybe you always let him crash at your house after a night out with his friends? Perhaps you’re afraid to say no to sex because you worry he might not want to see you anymore.

Ask yourself whether your eagerness to please causes you to be too nice to him and ignore what it is that you really want from the relationship.

You’re calling for instant happiness

If you’re calling him for instant gratification, then you might want to reconsider before calling him. The reason being here is that you’re allowing your happiness to hinge too much on him. What if he says something you’re not expecting? What if he doesn’t have time to talk? What if he doesn’t pick up?

Think about what you actually want here. Yes it’s good to talk, and phone calls can leave you in a very pleasant place. But if you’re regularly ringing for little hits of happiness, it’s time to take stock of the situation. It could also be time to question other areas of your relationship too.

Are you the kind of person who believes that finding the “perfect” man is the answer to all your problems? If you are, it’s worth remembering that cannot often lead to disappointment – here’s no such thing as perfect. Love is about learning to accept people as they are, and grow together.

Above all, if you don’t discover happiness within yourself, then it will never last. You’ll constantly be seeking happiness from your partner and expect more from them than they can give you. 

You always give more than you get

Are you the one who’s always texting or calling first, or making the plans? Do you go out of your way to please him by sending him cute gifts, cooking him dinner, or making sure you always have his favorite beer in the fridge? 

If you’re giving in the hope that he’ll appreciate you more and fall in love with you, but you never end up getting what you wished for, it’s because he doesn’t appreciate you. Relationships should be a healthy balance of giving and receiving. 

You contact him again when he doesn’t reply

A good rule to follow is to never text or call someone you’re dating twice. Nobody is too busy to send a quick text to someone they’re into. There’s no reason to call again.

It’s a common scenario: weeks have gone by without hearing from a guy, you’ve convinced yourself that they must’ve lost their phone or had an accident, so you end up sending just one more text. Not being able to handle the radio silence is needy. Instead, embrace the silence with confidence.

(Not) Calling makes you anxious

Do you find your mind working in overdrive with jealous thoughts and anxiety? You’re always texting and calling him because you want to make sure he’s not with somebody else. Maybe you even give into the temptation to stalk him on social media?

Basically, when you don’t hear from him right away, you immediately think you’ve done something wrong, or you doubt his commitment to you. Trust is the foundation of any stable relationship. Recognize that you’re an amazing woman, and any man would be lucky to be with you. When you embody this, it becomes easier to trust because you value your own self-worth.

You don’t give him (or yourself) space

Constantly calling and and asking him to spend more time with you will likely be received by him as suffocating. This will lead to him pulling away so he can feel in control of his personal space.

It’s important that both individuals in any relationship have their own space to be themselves and maintain independence. And as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

You call regardless of bad behaviour

Are you someone who always ignores red flags like ghosting, cancelling plans at the last minute, or outright lying? If this sounds familiar, it could be because you’re in denial. There’s also probably a reason as to why you gravitate towards toxic men who mistreat you. Behavior like this is never acceptable, and you deserve so much better.

Above all, taking control of the situation with confidence is the right way to go about things. Forget outdated norms and go for it. Acting from a place of emotional stability will emanate positivity.

It will also often end up with you attracting the kind of guys you deserve to date. So, don’t be afraid of rejection. Embrace who you really are, and let your true essence shine. Take down your guard, and be willing to trust.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani holds a mirror to your soul, so you can see how beautiful you already are. She is the founder of She Rose Revolution, a bestselling author, empowerment leader, and an internationally published writer.

Her words have reached and touched millions, while her books have made their way into the hands and hearts of thousands of women worldwide.

You can find out more about Shani by heading to her website and connecting with her on Instagram.

 

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