8 Dating Tips to Stay Sane While Online Dating

A woman who listened to these dating tips about how to stay sane while online dating and is drinking some tea and smiling.

Online dating has simultaneously solved a load of our problems, while creating a pile of brand new ones. After matching, messaging, and chatting for weeks some of us end up on a merry-go-round of blurrggghhh dates that just don’t work out. And then we’re left looking around at all our happy, coupled up friends who are getting married and popping out kids, while our love life is still at a standstill.

It’s no wonder so many of us lose our confidence and get burnt out. If you’re starting to feel a little crazy from all the online dating apps, back and forths, games, and disappointments sit back, take a breath, and try to get your peace of mind back.

Here are eight dating tips to help you stay sane while online dating:

1. Make yourself a priority.
Keep yourself busy and make time for fun and indulgent things outside of your dating life. This might mean getting your hair done, treating yourself to a massage, or going on a solo retreat. Whatever your budget is, there are so many ways to show yourself love and care.

Being kind to yourself is so important when you’re facing rejection, and navigating this turbulent dating sphere. So take some time for you.

2. Be honest and direct.
If you enjoyed the date you went on, say so. And if you were bored senseless, and couldn’t imagine yourself ever being with this person even if you were the last two people on planet earth, say so. (Using politer words, obviously). Being dishonest is a disservice to you and your date.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone if you enjoyed their company or you’d like to see them again. So many of us are worried that our feelings won’t be returned, so we hold them back and we never say the words we want to.

Everyone appreciates honesty and directness—dating is confusing enough without us making it worse for ourselves. 

3. Be your own source of happiness.
Don’t be that person who ditches their family, friends, or work colleagues, and bulldozes their social life for their dating one. Dating should be one part of your life. And the thing is, when you focus on finding joy in all the other amazing areas of your life, you’ll find it easier to maintain perspective when it comes to your latest dating disaster. Don’t allow online dating to rule your life, and you’ll be okay.

4. Don’t take anything personally.
Some people won’t like you, won’t find you attractive, and won’t want to be in a relationship with you. And you know what? You need to realize that’s life, and be okay with that.

If someone ignores your message, stops speaking to you, or doesn’t want to go on a second date, don’t take it so personally. You have no idea who this person really is, or what’s going on in their head right now. Likewise, this person doesn’t know you. They are rejecting a snapshot, made-up version of you that exists solely in their head. That’s not even rejection really, is it?

5. Set reasonable expectations.
Stop messaging people and going on dates believing that everyone is your soulmate. Even if they are, you’re better off setting reasonable expectations. This will stop the bad dates from being so sucky, and it’ll make the good ones that much more of a wonderful surprise.

Love cannot be predicted. You cannot say when it will find you. So try and enjoy your online dating experience for what it is.

6. Be yourself.
Even if you think you’re totally uncool, that’s okay. Because the right person will think you’re the greatest thing they’ve ever seen since sliced bread.

So don’t hide who you are, don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and be yourself unapologetically at all times. When you do this, you’ll save yourself so much time and heartache in the long run, speaking to people who aren’t your people.

7. Be clear on what you’re looking for.
If you don’t know what kind of person or relationship you’re looking for, how can you expect to find it? That’s like going to the grocery store with no idea of what you need to buy. You’ll end up walking out with a load of stuff you probably didn’t need, and having to come back again the next day with a list!

It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for something serious, or something more casual—as long as you make this clear from the beginning. This way, you’ll attract people who also want similar things, and you’ll stop wasting time on conversations that are aiming for a dead end.

8. Don’t allow dating to run your life!
If you’re someone who can’t help but check every notification as soon as your phone buzzes, do yourself a favor and switch them all off.

Set yourself a time limit for being on dating sites each day, and don’t allow your dating life to dictate your day. You’ll find the less obsessed you are with it, the less stressful it will feel.

Shani Jay

Bestselling Author and Empowerment Coach

Shani is a bestselling author, empowerment coach for women, and self-love advocate. She is the author of Bloom, The Babe Bible, Glow Getter, and Light Up Your Life; and her writing has been featured on many internationally recognized platforms including The Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, and Teen Vogue.

​In 2016 Shani founded The Glow Getter Tribe – a self-love & kindness movement which helps young girls & women worldwide feel happy, confident and beautiful starting from the inside, out.

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