Online Dating Advice: Stop Texting and Go on a Date

A girl texting while sitting down.

Moving your online connection offline is probably going to involve texting. But, what happens when the textingor emailing, chatting, messaging, or talkingis consistent but never results in meeting? If you’ve found yourself in a messaging relationship, this week’s dating advice is going to help you understand what’s going on.

During the initial stages of dating, messaging is the easiest way to communicate without the anxiety associated with face-to-face interaction; it allows people an opportunity to establish chemistry without the risk of in-person rejection. Texting personal and mundane detailsand the quick responses that followcan make people feel closer. Given the ease of texting, it’s easy to slide into frequent, continuheous messaging.

You would think that great texting would be the precursor to a great date but, for some people, passive communicationlike textingis the end game. If you’re looking for something real, you’ll want to avoid wasting time with a messages that aren’t going anywhere. You’ll only know if someone is truly interested in you if he or she wants to see you. If that’s the case, then you might be wondering, “Well, if they’re not interested, why are they messaging me?”.

Fellow dating expert, Tripp Advice, and I discussed several reasons this can happen:

1. Boredom.

There’s nothing else going on, so this person uses texting as a distraction. Continuing witty banter is fun but, if your goal is to date someone, you should make sure the other person is open and willing to meet you.

2. They’re not really attracted.

Without a real spark, the other person has no real reason to meet up. You might be entertaining, you might have black belt in clever quips, but unless there’s real attraction, your cell phone screen is the furthest the relationship will go.

3. They crave attention.

A lot of women (and men, too) love attention. When their phone is blowing up, and it’s some guy or gal saying, “Hey, let’s go do this. Let’s go do that,” it feels really good. Much better, in fact, than going on the actual date and committing real time and investment in someone else. It’s really important to understand the difference between someone who is just interested in the attention versus someone who is interested in you.

Straight Talk: If the person you’re interested in is not meeting you in person, then he or she is not truly interested in you. Just because he or she responds to your text messages doesn’t always mean that someone wants to be with you

So What Can You Do?

If you want to avoid a “messaging relationship”, make it extremely clear that you want to go on a date. Use the word “date.” Be intentional about making plans. Pick a place. Pick a time.

If you extend an invite with a specific place and time, you’ll set yourself up to receive a real response. If you’ve made a real ask and are still getting some type of ambiguous answer or, if he or she is busy yet again, you’ll be able to move along without wasting more time.

Still confused? Watch and learn.



Joan Actually

Dating Expert

Joan is a writer and dating expert.

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