It happens to every online dater: You’re attracted to someone’s profile and you feel a spark when you exchange messages, but when you meet IRL, the spark is gone. Everything you had in common vanished. What gives?
Finding someone who’s great online but not in person is one of the most frustrating parts of dating. Is it their fault? Is it yours? Is it the unfortunate cosmic timing? While every situation is unique, but here are some reasons why it happens.
There’s no chemistry.
Hate to say it, chemistry on an app is not the same as chemistry in real life. If you’re having a great time messaging someone, that’s awesome—unfortunately, it doesn’t guarantee that you’ll be able to replicate that same chemistry in person. But the only way to know for sure is to meet, so it’s worth finding out.
You’re looking for different things.
In addition to having great chemistry, it’s also important to be on the same page about what you’re looking for. If they’re ready to settle down and start a family, but you’re just looking to keep things light, that’s going to affect your feelings for each other.
You don’t like them—you like the idea of them.
When you find someone attractive, it’s easy to ignore basic incompatibilities. Be honest with yourself: Do you actually like them or are you just attracted to them? Do you actually want to be with them or are you just lonely? These aren’t easy questions to ask yourself, but the answers may give you some insight into your chemistry, or lackthereof.
You’re mentally blocking yourself.
If you’re questioning your interest in someone, take a step back and think. You may be mentally blocking yourself. Sometimes people don’t themselves because of experiences in past relationships. Do some investigating and sit with your feelings for a while. Are you still hurt from a past relationship? Are you subconsciously scared of things working out and having to commit? These questions aren’t easy to answer either, but they may offer clarity into why things aren’t working out.
You’re still hung up on your ex.
If you’re not into the person you’re on a date with, your subconscious might be trying to send you a message. Whether you realize it or not, it might be a sign that you’re still not over your ex and that you’re not ready to see new people yet.
You’re just…not into them.
Sometimes, no matter how much you want to be, you’re just not into somebody. It’s nobody’s fault; you’re just not a match and that’s okay.
Going out with someone you don’t feel a spark with can feel like a waste of time, try to see it as a blessing in disguise. Once you realize you’re not into someone, you can move on and not waste your time trying to make things work. Not every date will be a perfect match—and that’s okay! Don’t be too hard on yourself, because it happens to everyone. Timing is everything with dating, and sometimes, it just doesn’t work out. Who knows? Maybe your paths will cross again in the future.