There’s a good chance you never thought you’d be dating over 50. By this time in your life you thought you’d be done with the dating scene, right? Yet, here you are with the courage to look for love again in your 40s, 50s and even 60s. I remember what it was like when I tried online dating for the first time. When you first start on this journey it’s exciting to see pictures of good-looking men who appear fun and interesting. You feel hopeful believing one of them might be right for you.
After a couple of emails and a phone call or two, you decide to meet someone. The first thing you notice is that you’re not attracted to him, probably because the man standing right in front of you now can’t possibly be the same one you talked to online or on the phone—he’s so different in real life and the magic just isn’t there. You’re disappointed but you figure there are other men out there, so you take a chance and meet the next one.
Again, you don’t feel a connection. This happens five times in a row and now you’re going from those initial feeling of excitement to total frustration and disappointment. You may even be thinking that it’s just not worth the effort anymore.
After five bad dates you can’t see putting yourself through this experience over and over again. Doubt has kicked in and thoughts are taking over. You start thinking things like everyone lies online, there are no good men on dating sites, or I don’t care what I read, no one is ever who they say they are in their profile.
Filled with frustration, you’re ready to give up on your dreams of finding love again, figuring your kids, friends, maybe even grandkids plus a busy life will fill you up instead. You’re sad but feel like there’s no other choice. You’ve had it with dating, especially online.
Sound familiar? I hear this story over and over again from women around the world. But it doesn’t have to be this way!
The biggest reason women dating over 50 struggle with finding the right man, especial online, comes from the stories they tell themselves about who a man is based on his picture and his profile. How many times have you looked at a handsome man and thought, he’s a good guy. But in reality, is he? Or maybe you’ve liked a man’s profession and you think he might be a perfect match based on what he does. Or he likes to bike and so do you. Wow, it’s amazing, you’ll have so much to share.
Qualities like these are called high-value qualities because they represent an idea of something important you want that a man must be or have to date you. Based on the quality, you end up creating a story about a man and why he’s perfect for you. You daydream scenarios about your life living with this man. Maybe it’s bike riding to your favorite brunch spot on Sundays. Or going to parties with lots of professionals. Or feeling everyone’s envy as you walk through the door with a very attractive man. In the meantime, you’re ignoring everything else about him because the only thing you can see is this one high-value quality you want in a man and this guy has it.
It all feels so good and he feels so right. At this point, you might even visualize the two of you walking down the aisle. You know the dress you’ll wear and the music that will play as his eyes light up when he sees you.
The day of the meet and greet arrives. You’re excited… until he actually shows up. Then it doesn’t take long to figure out that he’s nothing like you imagined him to be, which makes you feel like he wasn’t honest in how he represented himself both online and over the phone.
A huge disconnect happened on your date between reality and the story you made up about who he is. The fantasy was so much better and probably something no man can live up to in real life. You leave the date disgusted feeling betrayed by yet another man who isn’t who he says he is.
So here’s the big secret for fixing this disconnection between the two of you. Go on a date with no expectations other than that you’re going to meet someone new and interesting. This way you have no preconceived ideas about who he is.
What happens, is you’ll find that you can just sit back and enjoy the meet and greet for what it is—an opportunity to get to know someone new. I promise if you do this on every date versus creating a fairy tale based on high-value qualities, dating over 50 will be fun for you. And you never know, he might not work out as a boyfriend or husband, but he might make a great male friend to hang out and have fun with. Try this new way of dating and let me know how it works for you.
Lisa Copeland is known as the expert on dating over 50. She’s the best-selling author of The Winning Dating Formula For Women Over 50 and her mission is to help as many women around the world as she can discover how to have fun dating and finding their Mr. Right after 50. To get your FREE Report, “5 Little Known Secrets To Find A Quality Man,” visit http://www.findaqualityman.com/.