woman sitting in cafe drinking coffee wondering why am I single?

There are plenty of pros to being single. When you’re unattached, you’re free to do as you please. You don’t need to check in with anyone, and you can go out and flirt to your heart’s content. But if you’re asking yourself ‘why am I single?’, this might not be your preferred option. 

Everyone goes through dry spells. Even if your friends always seem to be attached to someone, it doesn’t mean they’re necessarily happy with the pairing. They might not be focused on the quality of the person they’re with. Remember, it’s better to be single than miserable with the wrong person. 

That said, if you keep asking ‘why am I single?’ that means that you know you have the qualities to attract a great partner and ready to attract a partner. Here are six things that might be holding you back.

You might not be saying yes to enough IRL invites

Online dating is very popular, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t physically put yourself out there every once in a while. The more events you go to, the better chance you’ll end up meeting someone with similar interests.

This can be hard for an introvert, but it could be one of the reasons why you’re struggling to meet a significant other. Even going out with friends is a way to boost your confidence and social skills. Dare to get out of the bubble you’ve created for yourself.

 You may be over-confident

Yes, it’s a thing – and it can be a turn-off. It’s important to be proud of your accomplishments, but it’s another to monopolize conversations with dates about why you’re such a catch. They’ll be able to figure that out naturally. 

If you want to test out whether or not you’re coming off as self-absorbed, look at your social media. For example, on Instagram, do you like other people’s photos? Or do you just post selfies and sign off? When you’re single, it’s easy to get a little too absorbed with yourself, but remember to still focus on others, especially on a date! 

Your sense of humor may be too sharp

Having a sense of humor is wonderful but, it’s also important to know where to draw the line. If you seem to fail to get past the first date with someone, you might want to analyze what you’ve been saying. 

There are a lot of topics that should be off-limits for jokes, including race, religion, sexual preference, or health concerns. If you keep touching on sensitive topics, you can come across as being a little heartless. And if your delivery is too sharp or dry, maybe wait until you know each other better. 

You might not be willing to explore further

If you live in a small town with people who don’t have many of the same interests as you, your ‘why am I single?’ question has a simple answer — there’s nobody around that’s compatible with you! This is especially true if you live in a state with wildly different political beliefs than you do. 

You should be seeking out local groups that pertain to your specific interests, either on MeetUp or Facebook, or even consider relocation. Yes, the latter is a little drastic, but there’s a chance that you’ll absolutely thrive in a bigger town both socially, and in terms of your career.

You’re scared of trying again 

Sometimes, you’re the only person who’s holding you back. If you were in a long-term relationship or have been hurt before, you might be subconsciously sabotaging yourself.

Jennifer Twardowski said it well, “For those of us who have been disappointed a lot in relationships so much to a point that we are scared to date again, the problem isn’t necessarily that we are scared of getting hurt again or even that we don’t have faith in our own abilities,” she wrote. “The problem is that we don’t believe that we are worthy. We are blind at fully seeing the abilities of creating the love, happiness, and fulfillment that we truly desire that are buried deep within us.”

It could be time to work on healing those wounds so you can move forward to a happy and healthy relationship now. 

You’re too hard on yourself

When was the last time you accidentally screwed something up and called yourself an idiot? These types of words are negative, especially since everyone makes mistakes. Plus, you probably learned from yours. If you’re not feeling very confident, it may be easy to talk down to yourself. In the moment, it’s a good way to cope. 

However, these negative thoughts might really bring down a date without you even realizing it. If you’re talking yourself down constantly, the person you’re with might question whether or not a second date is worth it. It is true, you need to love yourself before you expect others to feel the same.

Why am I single? Well, now you know. Just know that dating requires work. Even when you land the perfect individual, you’ll still need to maintain the relationship in order for both of you to feel happy and satisfied. That said, if you prefer being single, there’s nothing wrong with that either. 

Plenty of celebrities have shown us that they could be fulfilled without a significant other. Just look at Jennifer Aniston, or Elisabeth Moss, who once said she was addicted and obsessed with her freedom. You don’t need a partner to be complete, but sometimes having someone by your side is quite nice.

Karen Belz

Freelance Writer

Karen Belz has written for sites like Bustle, PreviouslyTV, Heavy, and HelloGiggles. She’s also the founder of Best Recap Ever, a site that’s focused on television news and reviews. She’s a fan of sketch comedy shows and most movies that involve Muppets, and has been addicted to Sugar Free Red Bull since 2005.